Monday, December 31, 2007
Dear diary,
Well GOODBYE 2007 and a big HELLO to 2008.
Wow starting a new year means starting a new chapter of LIFE.
ain't that super sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet((: .
well today didn't do anything which make me tired, BUT!
make me sleepy. all that movie of the pirates and the caribbean make me SICK.
well not sick as a fever or what but sea sick.
and tomorrow there's a huge party going on.
BIRTHDAY PARTY LARR SEY.
and Happy Birthday my dearest GF.
AZILAH.
Meet you tomorrow.
and i can't wait.
well guys im off.
tired and tired and im thinking of school.
"come back? how i wish i was dead."
well toodles~
(soo many well)
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Dear diary,
"kiss me until death seperate us." This was suppose to be my line for Fadli.
But then again, i guess its for noone.
Forget about it aites.
okay i've been looking at some photos which i download.
This two hotties are my favourite.
Damn their fucking cute.
TAADAAAA!
GERAD AND MICKEY.
I told you, their cute.
I like both of them. Cute like teddy bear. ouuhhhhhhhhh MCR can i hugg you?
heeeheeeee.
MY SUPERHEROES.
and speaking of SUPERHEROES.
It remembers me about the story HEROES and my ex Fadli.
Okay that story heroes i miss alot of their scenes.
GOD DAMN-mit. how can i even know the show like this?
Better to buy the CDs right? Watch at home and FOCUS.
i say FOCUS bitch.
And it seems that Fadli use to be my superhero.
and again why am i talking about him?
yeah i know CRAP.
but i miss him.
CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP.
but i've been wondering why do some peoples could get along with their ex, why can't me right?
i just wish i and Fadli could talk like we use to.
i hate him when he hates me fucking alot.
That what i hate the most.
Yesterday could not fucking sleep plus i was sick.
i tell you with that sore throat and that fever make me emo-shit.
while i was listening to a music, i wrote something in my fullscap.
3 paper was use.
And its all about Fadli.
after that notes, i kept it in my box where i kept the tickets.
Maybe you guys maybe wondering what ticket im fucking talking about.
A ticket which he treat me to a movie.
I keep it really well.
When i look at it, i remember the day we had, the precious moment.
and i have talk to him about a teddy bear at myyearbook.
he gave me a white teddy bear.
and i call him to say thanks and said that teddy was cute.
And he say,"you blng me teddy ape tk cute?" translate, you tell me which teddy bear is not cute?
And i say,"tkder. semua cuuteee." translate, none. everything is cuutee.
and he say,"tau tkpe." translate, know nevermind.
still remember the lines and still remember his voice.
but im really sad to remember all those shit.
because he does not even care anything.
and he hates me.
what for if i keep on remembering those things?
but really i can't forget about it.
i know, i know crap-ness.
but hey, im the one who feel it not you.
i know how it feels.
it really hurts okay.
and i still love fucking alot of him.
how to forget him?
funny iszit fuckers?
damn i hate it when my mood swings.
"i'll try to forget you. But im still waiting for you to come back."
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Dear diary,
TIDAKTIDAKTIDAKTIDAKTIDAKTIDAK!
NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!
Firstly, let me introduce you to my MR CHEMISTRY.
and the thickness.
Secondly, to MRS DNT.
and the thickness again.
And guess what. I'v been thinking am i going to learn all this stuff.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFT.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!
hahaha.
okay last 3 days i ate quarter of the icecream as i ate the rest the last week.
Huahuahua. Clean right? I know.
Guess, time for me to move on eh.
I need to forget everything about Fadli as he does not want to remember anything.
End up.
Someone message me.
Care somemore.
But i can't accept anyone.
My heart still love Fadli.
Sorry people.
and its ridiculous im having a fever.
I miss him so badly.
Until i notice i've becoming more thinner.
I can't do anything oii.
Okay had that fever today afternoon.
Suddenly strike me.
I was like ouuhh my fucking god.
did not want to tell my mum.
and i don't want to eat medicine.
well let it just be me and my fever.
Okay and that someone who message me, thanks for the care peopleS.
"must forget about you and the memories, it just hurt me."
tooodles~
& wishing it was true.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Dear diary,
yesterday had this night snack.
guys, craving for it?
well its nicee. i like but i prefer sweeeets better.
today was okay i guess.
went to buy school books which many of the books are out of stock.
so mummy intend to search at popular.
okay maybe later,later.
(:
see im tired of school.
and i had this bad message which fadli says that he will treat me like this, as an enemy.
okay up to you larrs.
and my dad accidentally open that message of Fadli.
and ask me what happen as i say,"ENTAH!" translate, don't know.
after dad, mum ask.
i say i don't know don't know.
okay i need to move on.
your now moving on with life how about me?
i should move on.
but i can't.
im still stuck with it.
feel like want to move on and not to move on.
im stuck in between them.
but i try to move on no matter what.
So bestiest,Gfs, mum and brother stand by me.
i'll be moving on.
"i'll keep moving on without you,love."
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Dear diary,
today im going to use two languages. malay plus english.
kepala buto tol. dudok umh tk aman mcm mane. sikit2 lu org gadoh jerrs. ape sia niee sume.
krg taus tkk? da 2 tahun lebih cibbai kte nie mcm. klakar perr?
sampai aku ngn abg aku da bosan ngn nie semua. kalau bapak aku da slh tknk mengaku pulak tu asyik slh mak aku jerrs pade hal die slh. nabeh! oiit dgr sini kau yg slalu pukol mak aku dpn kau pikir aku leh tahan perr ngn perangai kau? kalau nk ckkp aku kurang ajar dgn sape aku ikot? sape ajar aku kurang ajar? bapa aku jugak kn puki!!!!
fuck all this. this is crap. my family matter become more worst okay. i had enough of it.
this is all bullshit.
kanina where can i find peace in this fucking family?
and i hate that fucking behaviour of my dad.
everythings a crap.
i just don't know what to say.
i'll just say this fuck you all.
pathetic FREAk.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
where's the fucking love huh?
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Dear diary,
i'll just took the best part for today.
went to bugis to find amirah's beg.
and guees what? irah told me that, the chinese boy was serving his customer when he saw me and amirah step into that shop he left that customer and ask me what were looking for.
that guy was the guy who serve me when i was buying my beg.
i point my finger to irah. then irah say,"looking for beg."
okay guys i tell you this his cuutee.
cool.
and ilikehim.
i admirer his style,looks and smile oii.
even his voice.
when we wanted to left the shop he says,"bye, do come again."
follow us all the way till the exit there, i mean the shop exit
when i saw him with that smile i was like this. "heeheeheeehee bye".
GOD, imagine. that guy ouuhh.
then next went to eat at white sand guess what.
i told the fucking truth.
i say to irah when she was eating her fries.
Hafizah:the truth is aku minat... hahahaha
Amirah:sape acaaap?
Hafizah:hahaha tk tk. kawan dia yang baju putih.
okay this was the crazies part.
amirah was slow on the reaction while i was laughing away alone.
then she drop her fries and laugh.
hahaha. non-stop.
okay i told the truth already what?
but i only say minat(admire) not love okay!!
please larrs i still love fadli okay.
haiyaaa. how to say this but i like that ahbeng more than that malay boy.
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Dear diary,
can i say today was really paiseY for me.
okay my fault because did not read my booklist haha.
today 21st of december where got sell my books.
its the registeration for sec one oii.
hahaha.
then walk back home.
firstly dad ask to eat where.
soo i just follow and say anything larrs.
food court will do.
and i did only eat popiah.
hahaa.
imagine untill now did not eat any single thing.
went home as father go to friday prayers.
guess what? im really shocked plus happy.
when i receive this call from dad.
he told that his going to buy me a new handphone.
i got a w660i.
nicee right?
how sweeeet can it be.
thank dad and now im still blur on their function.
not use to sony erisson, still learning.
hahaha.
okay untill here then.
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Dear diary,
yesterday was a terrible day for me.
as me and fadli are no longer together.
we can't continue if we keep on fighting and he don't care about me abit.
not even a little bit.
sorry for this situation but i have to let him go.
and juliyana, take goood care of fadli for me.
you to zanna.
take care of fadli.
i let you guys handle him.
as i cried infront of mother about this.
mother told me not to be stupid and be strong.
she told me not to show the weakness to boys.
i tried to be strong but i can't.
i told mother that i still love fadli and she say, "yes mother knows how you feel. this is how relationship are. you have to be strong."
brother even give me support by telling me, if that guy does not care about you just break him and no point of being together with him.
mother told brother to give me alot of support as i am the pampered child.
brother tried to make me laugh by doing so many kind of jokes.
Thanks you guys for supporting me and giving me advices.
iloveyou family.
loving was just a game. but i still love you, FADLI.
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Dear diary,
sorry Fadli.
we should only be friends.
as for you who does not care about me anymore.
its okay.
we end now its better.
go find a girl that loves you.
and i know that someone still love you.
sorry for this.
izin kan ku pergi.
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Dear diary,
today i went out with my beloved cousin, Haryanti.
first met her at her house.
took bus.
went to tampines mall to buy our tickets.
imagine it was damn full. i and my cousin was like ouuhh SHIT.
We watch the movie alvin and the chipmunks. that ticket was solding fast and we got our self at the first row. ouuhh god, after the movie my neck hurts haha same goes as my backbone.
before the movie start we ate long john and after that want to know what?
all the toilet was fully pack. i told my cousin," tak yah suda." translate to english, no need.
after the movie we went to orchad haha.
went to far east. look at clothes, damn cool liow.
then got one dress very nice, i like.
went to kfc to eat. i brought a cheese fries while my cousin brought an ice milo.
went back home,took bus 18. at first i wanted to sent her home then she say no thanks she can go back home herself, well i say okay then.
i really had a fun time with my cousin alot.
and yeah before i forget, all the best for the result ya girl.
anything beep me.
love ya.
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Dear diary,
when out with this beautiful lady.
well first meet her at her block.
then follow her go buy food for her brother and sent it back to her house.
when to the library to do my project.
english project its some kind of a newpaper writting. i should had done 5 but i did 1 only.
how cheecky i could be.
same goes with this lady hahaha.
after the project we went to borrow book. guess what i took this book, tittle ' dark prince.'
then went to interchange waited for irah's friend who say wanted to meet but arrived 1hour 15min late.
imagin that.
we waited like ouh god.
but at the middle of this situation this friend of mine,i wanted to meet him as he always say he wanted to meet me.
he told me that his on the way to tampines to meet his cousins.
and he say well he want to meet.
this is him.
okay.
he went with me and irah to this mac donald because irah friend ask her to wait there.
and when we step in that mac, this guy told me he have to go.
with a smile on his face and say bye take care anything message, remind me of Fadli.
he use to be that caring.
this guy left and i and irah waited for her friend.
Her friend came with another two friend and we was like fuckfuckfuck.
hahaha.
Chat with them(nonsence), and they say they had something on so they had to go.
and we go home to.
irah and me when to this bakery shop to buy this french loaf.
haha, irah was buying it not me.
i told her that im going home so i took bus, well i never sent her home.
i took bus 18 and guess what?
i saw minah okay.
haha.
walk home, and took my shower.
thought of messaging him but i think later because i'll try to message my hubby, Fadli.
and i want to read that book i borrowed just now.
soo toodles~
"you make me sad hunney when you off your phone."
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Dear diary,
im still loving him like i use to.
deepest of my heart, more than anything.
im still holding on to him.
still hoping that he would message nor call.
hoping he would say this words, "i love you."
his the love of my life, everything to me.
still waiting.
will you be with me like you use to?
or are you leaving me?
and when he started to not call or message, my life turns upside down.
everything does not seem right.
i just want him, nobody else.
i love him to much.
i can't effort to lose him.
really i can't.
i love him.
love him more than anything.
please come back to me.
i need you.
love of my life.
boy of my dream.
he can't be replaced.
if i lose him, i want him back no matter what.
his my beautiful love.
"hunneyimissyourealbad."
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Dear diary,
im here today writting you this blog with full of emotions and expressions.
can i tell you guys out there how i totally feel.
seriously, i feel very very tired with this. and i feel like i can't move on.
listen guys, you told me to stay strong, and yes i did. and maybe someone who knows me well would know how i am. infront of you guys i'll stay strong but behind, i'll let everything out.
im sick of this word call, love. which every girls and boys wants.
but hey, my love for fadli won't change, it's still the same like it was before.
love him with the fullest of my heart.
do you guys know that im having a headache plus feeling im totally useless.
i've been dying for his call nor messages.
but i guees i hope to much. none.
how i wish i could know what happen to him.
im totally worried.
is his pre-paid top up?
am i hoping to much from him?
i feel like i am.
certainly because i love him damn much.
looking at his pictures just make me feel so bad/terrible.
and i did not eat as much as i use too. just a tiny bit.
and i did not talk to dad.
useless larrs talk to him. everytime scold me when i did not make any mistakes.
and im very furious okay. if i was his dad, i would literally beat him up, totally.
for goodness sake, if you were innocent do you like people scold you and say bad things?
i hope not.
soo fuck up bitch.
and another point is the people outside there, if i have hurt your feeling im really sorry.
i apologize for my behaviour.
and to people who wants revenge or hating me, please continue.
because i won't care.
i'll lead my life like normal. insult me, go on.
one sentence i would say to you guys, "only god will know how to teach a lesson to you bunch of people". and i'll stop with a fullstop.
im tired of fighting, seriously.
im totally in a bad mood and my mood usually swing.
mess with me? i'll mess with you back.
im not being bad or what, im just being me.
my mood can sometimes make you feel worthless and i can beat you up.
im admiting it not to say im a fanatic girl. look at my appearance properly.
i don't dress up like a minah does, im an ordinary people.
because i have my own limits and that's for sure.
i usually follow my mood, if it turns out really bad. you guys better watch your steps.
im telling you now.
because i can scold, say vulgarities or even beat you up.
now in this world everything does not seem right.
all upside down.
and times move fast.
people start to learn new things and we get lazy.
my emotions for today is sad and furious.
"how i wish my phone would ring today."
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Dear diary,
Both are cousins.
To this beloved cousin of mine.
Hey sorry did not wish you goodbye when your leaving us.
Take care dearest on the camp.
I'll miss you for sure taus!.
And yeah, when your back from camp i'll hugg you real tight.
His my cousin which i prefer to be close with.
And from now on his my NS boy.
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
BORED-DOMS START.
Let the pictures show how bored i am.
RANDOM PICS PLEASE (:.
"read that very WELL indeed."
"preacious guitar."
AND THE HOTSTUFF FOR ME THAT MAKES ME HAPPY ((:.
YEAH THATS HIM, KOREAN SINGER RAIN.
"and hunney i wish you tell what's wrong and never break my heart. iloveyou."
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Dear diary,
MY HOTSTUFF.
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
ouuuhh cousin outing yesterday. fun you know.
hip hip hip.
okay, first when to fetch my one cousin first which is,Yanti.
secondly,Diyana.
okay meet our brothers at the pool, which totally we didn't go in.
HAHAHAHA!
(takot kene marah.)
its like below 16 cannot go in, we are like 14 which me, 13 which Diyana, 12 which Yanti.
HAHAHAHAHA!.
We got bored as yanti and diyana had their lunch at Macdonalds.
Took neoprins. (cousins are moree kecoh then Friends.)
Then i ate burgger king.
My brother msg Diyana, asking where are we.
Hahaha.
totally i was like yeah my brother is coming okay.
HAHAHA!
They went home.
Diyana and his brother when home took bus, while yanti,me and my brither waited for mummy to fetch us.
The main reason is yanti with us because, her brother left her with us.
Haiyaaaaaaa.
pity her right?.
i was likee haiyaaaa, how my cousin can do like that seY pity my adik.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!.
Okay the neoprint was bad, not like i use to take soo, i just shhhhhhhhhhhh.
HAHAHA!.
and yeah im going to miss my cousin, YUNOS.
his going to NS okay.
and hell yeah ilovehim.
hahahahahahahhahahahahaha.
love as a cousin okay.
"where the hell are you dear?."
tooddels~
& wishing it was true.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Dear diary,
i shouldn't have love him more than anything.
like mom says, "don't love that guy to much nor something will happen. you won't like it." she meant that something bad going to happen.
and yes,
it did.
how worst life can be if he keep on keeping quiet?
love is sweeeeet.
in another side it's rotteeeeen.
you may think love will always be sweet but your wrong.
totally and definetely.
there's up and there's down.
sometimes your party just get over-bored with you and just want to be alone.
when you know that's coming, you will really feel hurt and dissapointed.
im totally not joking nor making you scared its true.
this is how i feel.
first, its sweeeeeeet.
second, it taste rotteeeen.
lastly, you feel like ypur gonna die for sure.
you guys can only see the happi-ness in love, but you won't imagine how rotten it can be.
im not making this up, but this is how i feel.
2 weeks past going to 3 weeks.
i kept on crying, sadness.
hey i love him soo much that i just can't imagine how hurt it could be.
when your heart is really damn hurt.
when you cut yourself, you won't feel anything.
totally, i swear.
it does hurt, but the heart is more painful than the cut.
for your information guys, from primary school until secondary school i have alot of bestiest which are boys.
i love them?.
yes i love them like a friend.
but i love moree than the world is my boyfriend which is, Fadli.
that's true.
if you thing i love my bestiest which are the boys more than you,
you are seriously making a big mistake of thinking that way.
im not that kind of girl which have a boyfriend and still looking for another.
im not that kind.
i am me.
myself.
there's no influence.
if you think i have been messing around with a bunch of bad people,
i admit yes i have.
from primary school the outsiders of the bad-ies are my friend.
there not bad, they even help me when im in trouble.
after helping they never ask me to repay them.
they are my brothers, my childhood.
but if you think i am influence by their bad habits.
ouhh god, your like fucking wrong.
they did not teach me any bad stuff.
it was me who wanted to pierce.
and hell yeah, last time i use to smoke and drink.
and it was last time.
and don't ever involve my brother in this.
he didn't teach me.
he love me and i love him.
im the one who wanted to taste of everything.
yes, you guys may know me last time.
my attitude was fucking minah.
i admit.
but now, nooo.
totally not.
so stop making out stories.
and for you beloved hubby,
i have explain it in here.
i love you more than my bestiest okay.
if you still think that way.
its your choice but i know, i love you more than myself.
when i feel that your like dissapearing from me, i did not talk much and i don't know who to talk with.
everybody give me advice.
and i just could only smile.
how can it be like this?
must it continue?
is it a must?
im totally asking myself like that, this past few days.
hmm well,
i guess i express half of my feelings, because i feel like tears coming out already.
and yes one more thing,
people use to say im weak, like a child and even they say i just can't stop crying.
and normaly like this.
its natural.
when i tried to hold it, it still come out.
i admit, im a cry baby if you want to call me because i have a reason.
im a sensitive person.
toodles~
& wishing it was true.
