Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was a BLAST.
We took our exams in the hall.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
We are like the N-level students.
I just can't wait for sec 4.
Really i just CAN'T WAIT.
Before we start the story let me tell you something.
Before i took bus 69, i saw this two girl ( don't want to mention the school ) wore make-up to school!
I was like soo OH MY GOD.
I giggle my heart out and thinking what's with the make-up and what the heck.
I looked at them and laugh.
SHEEEEESSSSSH!
I felt that they are soo stupid to use make-up to school.
Like, what for?
HAHAHAHAHA!
Did not have time for break.
And i took the second paper like M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R.
But everything seems right.
Okay people get this right.
Even i fought with Zul infront of you guys doesn't mean that we don't love each other.
There are reasons why we fight.
What ever it is, i still love Zulqarnaen Bin Zainal.
Really i do.
(:
He actually makes me happy when we're together.
Miss understanding always occurs but end up we try to settle things the right way.
And we hold on to each other.
I have to be frank.
Yes, Fii does have attitude problems sometimes.
But the one who control me is him.
He help me get out of the mest.
But sometimes, i need to try it on my own.
And yes, he hate me when i have my attitude problem.
But his trying his very best.
Very best to turn me into a very good little girl.
Don't you baby?
Well Leslie, talk to me okay.
Im not mad at you.
(:
DONE!
Baby, i want to meet you tomorrow.
I don't care.
Tomorrow.
(:
"he was the one actually not the other him"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Dear diary,
I'll get this straight.
ZULQARNAEN IS NOT IN THE WRONG.
I AM.
IM A FOOL.
IM SOO STUPID.
IM SOO SOFT HEARTED.
IM SOO BLOODY CRY BABY.
IM AN IDIOT.
Thanks to Ain, Aisha, Effa, Amirah, Natasha and Clara for caring when i cried.
Thanks for asking.
Thanks for the support.
And i love you all.
Family problems are getting bigger.
Relationship is upside down.
Friendship is still in control.
Studies are getting harder.
Tomorrow is the starting of MID-YEAR.
May all students do their best.
Why must you, yes you ex.
Talk about me or even think about me when you told me that im your enemy?
When you treat me like one.
Am i a fool for you to play with?
You better think what you did.
I forgive you and it does not means that i'll accept you as my bestfriend or friend.
Oh boy, i had enough.
You really hurt my heart which make me suffer thinking about you.
Thinking whether your okay or not.
Boy, just let me go.
Because im still trying to let you go.
Out of my life and be FREE.
Someone text me in the afternoon saying that you have been talking about me a lot and he thought that i patch up with you.
But i told him that i have someone else.
And your friend was blur.
YES BLUR.
M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R.
I don't want to think about it boy.
I think you should go with the other ex's of yours and not me.
Thank you.
"i will never ever let zulqarnaen go away this time"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Dear diary,
Relationship is not soo stable this days.
Okay, baby.
If i have been too emotional im really soo sorry.
Our relationship has been soo down this days.
How i wish, i could take a medicine to heal every part of your heart.
All those wounds.
Trying to keep it balance but its soo hard.
Emotions runs through my veins.
Glass tear my heart.
Punching makes my heart ache.
Rubbing my eyes makes it itchy and cries.
I don't care if i have sore eyes or heartache.
All i want is our relationship and you are okay.
Not just an ordinary okay.
But as okay as ever.
Okay which i and you could never get once in a life times.
I want it to be a memorible one.
Not a ugly one.
I apologise for everything.
It seems that this week is really not our week baby.
It is soo down that we both have to fight.
I apologise if i have been a hard-headed one.
I apologise if i have say anything wrong or anything which hurts your heart.
I apologise if i have not understanding you this week.
I apologise if i am the one who created all of this shits.
I apologise for not making you happy.
I APOLOGISE.
I should never make you angry again.
Again and all over again.
I don't care if i have to cry my lungs out.
I don't care if i don't eat.
I don't care if people say im stupid.
I don't care if im sick.
I don't care if i fall and nobody catches me.
The main thing is that your okay.
I feel guilty.
Really i do.
You don't have to apologise.
Im in the wrong and i have to say it.
I don't mind if you didn't message me one whole day.
Because i know, your mad at me.
One quote that i always know is, "when you start loving someone. You will love him/her forever."
"the possible thing is just to say im sorry"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Dear diary,
Okay second post for the day.
Finish eating my breakfast, which mummy bought for me and brother.
Eat, eat ,eat.
Mummy show me and brother that she bought an instant chicken patty.
YES!
But surely i had to fried them don't i?
Well, i scared of deep fried food nowadays.
Because Mr Lim once told me that, if we ate too much fried foods we will die before 70.
WOOOOOAH!
I asked mummy why she bought those instant food and she told me that she does not have a lot of time to cook for me and brother anymore.
Because she's busy with work.
Well, look.
Mummy does not want me to diet.
Or not eating anything.
She scolded me soo many times but i did not listen.
She told me to eat and not to diet.
OKAY!
I'll eat.
Mummy and baby will surely be happy to hear it.
YES, im going to eat!
(:
P/s: Mr Lim, i eat fried food but i still exercise can? Can larr.
"food here i come"
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
Baby apologise for his mistakes for not meeting me this few days and about his voice when we're on the phone.
I don't blame baby.
Sometimes, i get too over emotional about a small matter don't i?
We both have apologise and we both are now okay.
Missing your boyfriend is the hardest thing you need to control.
Yes, i admit.
Well, thanks you guys.
Ain, Amirah and Effa for being with me when im sad.
Especially NURULAIN.
Thanks girlfriends.
Guess we both make mistakes.
I love him.
And he loves me.
Do you still remember this song?
"I've been dying to reach you. I've been patiencely waiting."
"patience"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Dear diary,
Posting this makes me want to cry.
Yes, i cried my lungs out already.
Why?
Something going on in my mind.
And its not right.
Imagine, its been 5 days you did not meet your boyfriend.
How would you feel?
If you and him have time but he could not meet you because he went out with his friends.
How would you think a girlfriend would feel.
Yes, monday you want to meet me.
But think, if you or me is busy or maybe your tired.
We didn't meet.
If the week was exams week.
I don't mind if you don't want to meet or you could not meet me.
Because im not that stupid to force you when its exams week.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I just can't take it nomore.
Yes i can't.
I can't.
I just can't control my feelings anymore.
I just can't stop crying.
"im not forcing its your decision"
& wishing it was true.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Dear diary,
Thanks Effa, Kiren and Aisha for caring when im sick.
Appreciate it a lot.
Today Farhana and me was sick.
Farhana get to go home but i didn't.
Because dad was sick.
Mum was working.
Brother was schooling.
Everyone have its own schedule to do.
I kept on whining to Azilah, Ernie, Amirah and Natasha that i want to go home.
But i didn't.
Then all the food at the canteen looks digusting to me.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Then went home.
Sorry baby, i could not ride the bus with you.
Im soo sick.
Hope he understand.
But yes, he does.
And sorry to Nad too.
I could not wait for another bus.
Really dizzy.
The first thing i did when i reach home was, i cried.
Then bath.
Then eat medicine.
Ate burger king, mummy bought for me.
Ate rice.
Watch Tom and Jerry then suddenly felt asleep.
Snore snore.
Woke up message baby.
Drank water but im craving for soya bean.
Message brother to buy it for me.
Then blogging like what i am doing here right now.
Currently missing, Nurulain and baby.
Baby nowadays is kinda busy.
And i miss him a lot.
If only i could stop time and be with him, thats fine with me.
P/s: Mr Khan wore black today. I like him wearing red T-shirt, HOT OI!
"no matter how hard i try, i still fall"
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was the first time ever that i was being attentive on Social Studies and Design and Technology period.
I could not believe that Mr Ng my design and technology teacher fought with my food and nutrients teacher.
Mr Ng was just like a kid. Did not want to stop arguing with Miss Tan.
Damn funny.
Very funny.
Study programme turns out well except for going home time.
Yes, like usual i went home alone.
Walking down the s-t-u-p-i-d block alone.
Baby was studying at Daniel's house i guess.
Well, i do not want to disturb him.
Let him study.
Yes, feeling a little sad i could say.
But its okay.
Well took bus 8 with Effa, Natasha and Amirah.
Pack as usual.
Reach home, quickly change my clothes and wash my feet.
Then mummy talk to me but i did not respone except for smiling back at her.
Ate only like 25 small biscuit.
Drink water and guess what, my stomachache react again.
Feel like i don't want to go to school tomorrow.
Feel so sick.
Recess time ate something and it feels more worst.
That's why i don't like to eat when im having a stomachache.
By the way, i end this post by saying, "I LOVE EFFA."
"different culture"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Dear diary,
Morning was a great day for me.
Damn happy because Emmanuel, Leslie, Jun Guang, Stephen, Ain and Effa make me laugh my private part out.
Funny.
(:
Emmanuel have been soo kind this morning.
Buy sweet for himself.
But like normal, i would ask and ask more.
(:
Sweet-attacker.
Then at the afternoon had to stay back at the hot hell parade square due to something.
Kevin late.
I pulled out your armpit hairs than you know.
Then suddenly, bad headache.
Like very good right?
Took bus 8 with Emmanuel actually but i saw baby, that's why i ride with him.
Actually, i should not have bump into him.
Because he is not well.
Like me.
HAHAHAHA!
I mean, his sick.
Go home with Emmanuel.
Walk like a robot.
When home, rest for a while.
Eat medicine.
Then cook.
Yes, cook.
Eat then sleep.
And until now have not showered, soo damn cool.
Talk with baby on the phone right now.
"he make my world go gaaaaaah"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Dear diary,
What?! Want to read about today post?!
Want to know what happen?!
I tell you, nothing special or interesting happen okay!
Want to get out of this blog? Simply click on the x button on the top right corner!
Continue reading thats your problem because i don't force you! YES I DON'T FORCE!
Today was my worst day.
Yes worst than my bad-luck day nor my bad hair day.
It stinks.
Early in the morning, bloody heavy rain.
I took 293 thought that the rain could stop.
But hey! I was totally suck-ish wrong. YES WRONG!
It is worst than ever.
WORST.
Suddenly, my ex brother took the same bus as me.
THANKS TO HIM YA, I CRIED ALL MY WAY TO SCHOOL.
Pretend to laugh and be okay.
HARD DO YOU KNOW THAT!
Why can't this past two days be a happy one for me.
SUCK!
I don't want to bump into any of my ex anymore.
YES! I DON'T WANT!
All they did was make me cried.
CARE CARE, THEIR HEAD AND FOOT LARR!
YES THEY MAKE MY HEART TREMBLE IN ANGER AND BREAK INTO SADNESS.
THANKS TO THEM, I HAVE LOST MY ANGER.
THE MORE TIME I WASTE IN SCHOOL THE MORE I FEEL SOO BLOODY BABI!
YOU KNOW PIG?! BLOODY PIG!!!
Spidy could not go home with me and thats why i lost control of my anger.
ARRRRRRGH!
But i can't always stick on him.
He has his own life, own body and problems.
I don't want spidy to get involve with soo many problems.
He has enough problems.
But now, im scared to go home alone.
YES SCARED!
Scared that i would bump into any one of my ex.
YES! ANY ONE OF THEM.
Eventhough it rains or not, i still take bus 69.
I don't care anymore.
DON'T CARE.
"i told you to stay away"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Dear diary,
Do you feel your getting weird this days?
♥Yes i did.
Do you hate other people easily?
♥Get this straight, im not like that B-I-T-C-H.
Do you love someone?
♥YES YES, I DO.
Just him or other guys?
♥Only him. His the best.
Do you love rosses or daisy?
♥ofcourse the rosses. Daisy for w-h-a-t?
Do you choose friends?
♥Hell NO!
Do you have any best buddy which are guys?
♥He ran away.
Do you have any girlfriends?
♥Hell yes and its a lot.
Do you love chocolate?
♥Not for now. Mummy won't allow me eating it.
Do you love sweets?
♥Freaking ass YES.
Does your boyfriend have a best buddy girl?
♥Yes he does.
Do you really love your boyfriend?
♥At the top of my lungs i shout one more time, YES YES I DO. Only god knows how i feel.(:
Yes, i love my boyfriend.
Many people have problems nowadays.
And they are changing.
But i have IMPROVED.
Im happy.
But still i care about others.
To: SOMEONE.
Why must you turn up when im with someone? Why did not you turn up when im alone? Needed someone to guide me through. But you kept silence and does not care. Well ITE must be great and full of chicks don't they? Argggh! Please don't turn up like this again. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND AND THAT'S IT. I WON'T CHANGE MY DECISSION NOMORE. I HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU. WAITED FOR SOO MANY DAYS,MONTHS AND WEEKS FOR YOU TO COME BACK AND ALL YOU DID WAS GONE. AWAY. WHY NOT YOU JUST SHOOOOO~
Don't ask me about that someone because i won't tell you guys. Im not being arrogant but its a secret between me and spidy.
All i did was cry.
Flush out all of your crapness boy and leave me alone with SPIDY.
"god help me please"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Dear diary,
The circle's one are my favourite.
Well, they kidnaped my heart.
(:
Eric Dill blow my heart out.
OMG!
THEY KIDNAPED MY HEART.
Currently, im missing SPIDY.
But, going out in the afternoon.
Im like missing him soo badly.
Just excited, tomorrow is Monday.
What does that means?
SEE SPIDY AND HUG AINN.
HAPPY!
Waiting for mummy to come home with food.
WAITING.
I did not eat anything last night and my stomach is rumbling.
OH, pain.
((:
Luckly, sim card was okay.
SOO DAMN FREAKING BLOODY HAPPY.
"i love you soo much"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Dear diary,
Okay first thing is first.
I have not yet bath.
YAAAAAAH~
SMELLY!
YES AH!
Next, i did nothing but stare at the computer.
Next, im learning english from SPIDY.
Next, going to bath.
Next, doing my beloved Mr Khan homework.
Next, msn-ing again.
Next, counting the day for Monday soo that i can hug Ainn.
Next, don't want to eat.
Next, if my tummy rumbles i'll just shut up.
Next, train floorball. S-T-U-P-I-D
Next, still thinking.
Next, message Spidy to tell him that i miss him.
Next, shake my ass.
Next, eat mummy's cake.
Next, disturb mummy.
Next, sit down and keep quiet.
I'm off.
HAHAHHA!
"the world is a mischieve when i have you"
& wishing it was true.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Dear diary,
Really amazing, oh god i love this day.
This 'heaven' feeling brought me alive again.
And yes, i got him back.
I never felt this feeling this past two months.
Now, i love him a lots.
From my eyes right now, he is my superhero.
Who save my life.
Who make me happy.
Promise to kept you deeply and not losing you again.
Promise to be myself.
Promise to make you happy.
I LOVE YOU.
"spiderman brought my life again"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Dear diary,
This two days would be a great day for my teachers.
I won't be coming to school this two days, soo no more of my fucking attitude.
HAPPY?
About yesterday, i won't elaborate on that fucking day.
Never.
Just two words, FUCK OFF.
How i wish i could get kick out from floorball.
Not about yesterday thing its just that im not that fit.
Im always sick.
Always get into this sickness of 'flu infection'.
S-T-U-P-I-D.
Now im dying, fighting with that germs.
What the fucking heck.
Luckly, i can rest.
And do all my revision on my subjects plus doing all of my homework.
Maybe Mid-Year would be really tough for me.
Not really focusing in class.
And ya, my english have becoming more worst that last year.
Im used to get high marks in english last year.
And this year it turns out really bad.
Fighting with the people in my class.
Their english are way better than me.
F-U-C-K.
I really need to do a lot more of revision and reading.
Don't talk about history nor maths.
This two subject has been a real jerk.
JERK.
Why?
Mr Daniel teaching is more worst than Mr Tan.
Mr Tan is always freaking my nerves out.
How do you expect me to get high marks.
Damn you.
Oh ya, floorball has been a little sick.
I don't know why.
Teachers really don't understand me.
And yes, like Mr Khan says, "fighting won't solve the situation."
Yes, his right.
Well, controling would be the best damn thing to do.
Yes Mr Khan, this few days im being a little bit of emotional.
Spiderman also told me that.
I just don't want to think about the fucking yesterday.
I want to be happy this two days and not being stress like a big idiot.
I miss 14 January 2008 a lot.
I really miss it.
"heal my wound and i'll heal yours"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was suppose to be my 3 month anniversary with spiderman.
But i was a fool last time to break up.
Yes, im a one big fool.
But hell yeah, now, im in love with spiderman.
And only him.
'If' only we are bloody ready, we would have been one happy family.
Don't pressure me yet.
Because im too in love with you.
(:
"i love you no matter what happen"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Dear diary,
Do you ever wonder what will happen when your love's one is being taken?
Imagine if you still loves you ex soo much and one day he have to go.
And his taken.
Won't you feel different?
You can't always depends on him right because his been taken.
I had this feeling yesterday and today.
Only Spidy knows how i feel yesterday.
But seriously, i can't let him go.
Get it?
I CAN'T!
Its like soo hard if i lost him.
I admit, im being self-fish in this situation.
Yes, i am.
I just don't want you to get out of my life nor taken.
I really hope that one day you will come back to me, when we're ready.
But too bad, we're not ready.
And what if, a beautiful girl when up to your ex and ask your ex for number and he gives and they messages and they felt in love and they love each other and your left out.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~
I know im being sacrastics but i can't help it.
Im just scared and i love you soo much.
SPIDY STICK WITH ME.
P/s: Yes, i love you soo much right now.
"i can't help it by saying i love you"
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
Today was not my day.
Wake up in the early morning was okay.
The drama in the house started at around 2plus Pm.
Dad scold me and curse me saying that im soo stupid.
He says that, "even a small paper you can't pick up and you make me mad."
I don't know what is my fault.
Life is really making me tear apart.
I cried but crying can't make the situation better.
Brother walks in my room and i quickly wipe away my tears.
I don't like my brother to see me cry.
I know, he will get hurt too.
And all i did was shut up and be patiene.
Mum started to nag at me more.
And dad interrupt by saying that i talk only but never do.
He adds on, "when we tell her, her face like bloody shit."
Imagine your in my situation and you don't know what you did and you get those kind of compliments.
Doesn't it hurts you?
Seriously, i feel like going out in the early morning leaving this house and always come home really late when they are asleep.
P/s: I do not want anyone to talk to me right now.
"im not your daughter"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Dear diary,
Today went to Amirah's house to do the project.
We did not did much on the project except for doing my blogskins.
Thanks Irah for helping me appreciate it a lots.
We talk until we laugh our hearts out.
Damn funny.
Tickle my tummy.
Thanks to Irah's mummy who cooked for us, fried rice.
Spicy i love.
Went home around 6.45PM.
Happy?
YES I AM.
Want to focus on more english than malay.
I must bark up on my english.
P/s: That boy who pierce.
"i want laughing gas"
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Dear diary,
I DON'T WANT PEOPLE INFRONT OF MY BLOODY FACE NOR HEARING YOU GUYS VOICES.
HAD ENOUGH OKAY FOR THIS TODAY.
FUCKING BASTARD,
HURT MY FRIEND SOMEMORE UH.
I PUNCH YOU FROM BEHIND.
WHEN IM TOTALLY MAD,
TRUST ME YOU WOULD NOT LIKE TO SEE MY HISTORICAL ANGER.
I TELL YOU,
SOO BITCH OFF FUCKERS.
P/s: Sorry Zul i can't control my anger and MR KHAN, im really sorry with my attitude just now.
I should have talk to you nicely.. Im soo soo sorry.
"fuck off larr"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Dear diary,
Firstly in this post, i would like to seek for many apologies to spiderman.
Yes, im acting strange i know it.
People notice it.
The problem with me is that, im not okay.
I've been pressuring myself this past few horribles day.
Why?
Don't ask me.
I also don't know.
Im fighting to be more patience.
Maybe, being too patience people can be hard.
Sorry spidy, for not understanding anything today.
When i tied up my hair like a baby, that's means im seriously not okay.
Sorry once again.
Im blogging here just to relexs my heart.
Its like my anger in controling me from inside.
I don't deserve to be treated like a princess because im a normal human-being.
Im not even 'GOD'.
Just treat me like a human-being and not a pampered princess.
I want to learn France language.
Why?
Because when im getting older which probably means im working, i will be imigrating to France.
If can.
France and United Kingdom has always been my past time future country.
Getting experiences, jobs and money.
I want to feel other country too.
Don't ask me why again.
Its my dream to go to France, United Kingdom and even Japan.
Kimono was my favourite clothes in the past time.
It shake my underwear when i see them.
Excited like freak.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~
Post for today has end.
I just love all of you, and yes you Spiderman.
(:
P/s: Mr Khan cannot make me happy today.
"i try and try but still im not good enough for you spidy"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Dear diary,
Going to be updating on Saturday and today only.
Starting on at Saturday.
SATURDAY.
-------------
Had our floorball match at tampiness west cc at 11am.
Well, thanks to who ever support us.
We appreaciate it a lots.
Expecially, Spiderman and AINN.
(:
Syafiqah's team got 3rd position.
And my team got gold.
Its all thanks to Liyana, Elyssa and Amirah.
Without you guys, i think i can't win.
Thanks Nana, for telling me to pass the ball to who.
Thanks Elyssa, for being the great patner for me.
Thanks Amirah, for being the defender.
Thanks ya you guys.
Going to receive our medal back.
Hope soo.
If not, you watch out ya Mr Lim.
TODAY.
---------
Mr Lim treat us to eat at tender best.
Thanks ya.
Appreciate it like a lots.
(:
I have fun this past few days.
THANKS.
And ya, i saw Zanaria.
Spidy sister.
((:
Hahaha!
Pretty lar she.
Accompany Amirah home.
And here i am now.
Blogging my heart out.
Dear Spiderman,
Well i know i was not suppose to shout at you right? I know, im in the wrong.
Look. Its like i miss you. Can't meet you today, tomorrow. Wednesday is always my fucking day. That's why i always hate it. I guess i need to have a talk with you. I will do it.
There's one problem about me now, im starting to controling my anger nowadays.
How's great.
P/s: MR ABDUL MUTALIB KHAN, my hero larr kan.
"life is full of mistakes so don't fake it"
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Dear diary,
Nyahahaha, did not go to school.
Fucking throat. Fucking migranes. Fucking fever.
WAAAHAAAHAAAAA.
Well, currently im missing school.
Actually not school but SPIDY.
Spidy also miss me.
HAHAAAAAA!
Im being very a good girl you know.
I did all my homeworks.
Just preparing for tomorrow.
Oh ya, floorball training tomorrow.
My body is still not okay.
Never mind, lets move on.
I never bath in the morning until now.
HAHAHAHA!
Tired.
Spidy did not meet me today because his tired.
Okay larr.
(:
I just want one more thing, SONY ERICSSON HEADPHONE BITCH.
(:
BITCH.
I love that word.
BITCH.
HAHAHHA!
Okay don't bother about me because im crazy.
(:
P/s: Effa, Ain. Fii nk spiderman alek tpi tktau blh dpt tk. HAHAHA.
"i love you"
& wishing it was true.
