typing.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Dear diary,

Yesterday was a BLAST with NURULAIN.
Hey baby, hey baby! She make my world go round yesterday.
She make me laugh. She kills all the sadness away.
She was my life saver for the day. Obviously, i had a great great GREAT time with her.
Oh, next time we watch movie ya?

I LOVE YOU!

Let the pictures describe and tell you about everything.

SWENSENS.

COURTS.

TOILET.

FAVOURITE.

That's all and i had million trillion fun with Ain.
She was the best ever.

To you, Nurulain:

Thanks for being there with me. Dating me and everything. Thanks for cheering me up when im down.

Thanks for your love and concerns. I appreciate it a lots. You never fails to bring me up when im down.

How could i repay all of this? You are such a nice and loveble friend. You could never ever be replace from my 'friend list'. Because you have been here and there just for me. Advicing me and couraging me.

I just love you so much. I won't forget this memories, having a great time with you, love.

THANK YOU!

To you, AISHA love:

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Last long and may all your dreams came true.

I love you baby!

P/s: why are you being jealous, boyFriend?

"i did it and i know i fail to love you like i use to"

& wishing it was true.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Dear diary,

I AM NOT IN A VERY GOOD MOOD.

I WON'T BE THE CHEERFUL HAFIZAH, THAT YOU GUYS KNEW ALL THIS WHILE.

I NEED TO BE ALONE.

I NEED TO SEARCH MORE ABOUT THIS WORLD AND LOVE.

IM GIVING UP.

IM BREAKING AWAY.

I NEED MY OWN WAY.

WE'RE GOING TO OUR VARIOUS SEPERATE WAYS.

GOODBYE.

P/s: could it be the end of us now?

"i need to go go far away from this world and die"

& wishing it was true.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dear diary,

Today was fucking fun.
Had our science practical at the laboratory. It was the first time my class went in that lab.
Everyone was enjoying their practical stuff ok.

English was super great.

I love this girl, forever.

Fazmal, sorry about your hand.

I forgot about it, and im really sorry.

Hope your hand get well soon.

And once again, im so sorry.

P/s: i hate you attitude, it makes me sick everyday.

"not in the mood"

& wishing it was true.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Dear diary,

When you were eating you could still look up at me.
Did you know that i was ~~fucking~~ shy when you did that.
You were too cute for me to look at. I told you everything, friend.
I feel a bit ok with my feelings now but still i miss you so much.
No choice but to stick with it.
):

If i could turn back time.

If you could only be mine rather than i be his.

I can't regret anything now because i had choose this path.

But if im alone and you are attach, i swear i'll wait for you.

)):

You and him stole my heart.

I can't decide the true decision now.

))':

Today was ok. Went to Tampines Mall to survey for some shops.
Oh god, its so costly ok.

B-I-T-C-H.

):
By friday, i and Amirah will bought that thing. No worries, it will fit your bloody head.
Friend, you want that slipper? I tried to get it for you.
(:
TRY OK!

P/s: stared at me one more time please.

"my life is different now past is haunting me down"

& wishing it was true.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Dear diary,

I WAS HAPPY BECAUSE BIG BROTHER WAS THERE.

Today, big brother webcam with mother and me.
We were fucking happy! Obviously, mother and i was happy.
Get to view, chat and talk with big brother. How lovely.
Missing him.

I need him, now. )':

I miss the days being with him in one bedroom.

I miss him crapness.

Come home soon big brother, we miss you a lot.

To you, my friend:

I miss being with you. I miss chatting with you. I miss calling you, "you and i".

I miss everything about you. You stared at me, making me ashame about my love life now.

Im sorry, i used to say to myself that all i want is trying to be with you.

But, 2 years of waiting for him makes me realise i love him more.

Could you give me another chance, to go out with you and give you a last kiss?

Seriously friend, i miss you. Someone has been waiting for you.

I guess, you should have her and forget about what your waiting.

Maybe, its not worthwhile. Go and move on.

I miss you and still likes you, friend.

))):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEASQAuiNxM&feature=bz302

Can i sing you this song?

I never want to leave you, friend.

I'll stop here, trying to get sufficient sleep.
Tomorrow's the ~~fucking~~ big DAY.

Goodluck in myself.

P/s: you did your part today, love.
P/s: friend, i miss you.

"can i shine for you again when you're alone"

& wishing it was true.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Dear diary,

I LOVE NURULAIN.

Today was ok. Fasting for today and guess what? Im not even hungry in that point of time and i feel like shitting every second.
:D
Went to break fast at Pizza Hut. Delicious and fantastic!

Ok, father start to get emotional and it started to effect the 1 hour and 30 minutes we spent.
Went home and WEBCAM with NURULAIN.

Happy!!!!!

Ok, i just can't describe how happy i am.

AIN, FII IS HAPPY!

I hope you too, love.

If only Ain's webcam is not spoilt, we would have laugh out loud.
((:

Currently waiting for boyfriend to give me answer.
):

Rehab - Rihanna

P/s: Jul, are you mad at me? Im scared to talk to you for now.
P/s: you stared at me which makes me feel ashamed because i had my boyfriend for now, friend. ):

"let me shine for this particular moment please"

& wishing it was true.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dear diary,

I GAVE UP ON EVERYTHING.

WITH YOU AND YOUR ATTITUDE.

WITH EVERYTHING.

I had taken my part to apologise so many times yet you still show the same fucking attitude of yours, boyfriend. Tell me what you want and what you're not sastify about.

You told me that you're not happy with my anger but i was born to be like that. I can't change it or undo it because i grew up with that kind of temper. You should have known me and my attitude well enough.
I thought you knew, but i was wrong so wrong.
You have to study more about me.
I know that i can't change your attitude and you can't change mine. Why not, you just be you and i be my ownself. Isn't it much better and happier?
You were so fuck up with me, told me that i scolded you which im not.
You put your sentence in a, " i don't like your attitude " way.
Mummy scolded me in the morning and you make the situation even worser.

And today, you told your friends that your sim card has expire but why must you tell them first? I was there and yet you choose to tell them first than me? But still you didn't tell me about it. In the bus, you talk to them and left me alone.
Why can't you talk to me? Am i deaf for you? Or you treat me just like an ordinary friend?
I felt that im ~~not even~~ your girlfriend. You choose to be with your friend rather than me, your own girlfriend.
Ops, or maybe your ~~friend~~.
I don't understand your motive and you simply can't understand me.
What have i done wrong to you?

I made my decision and giving up was my final decision.
Im the one who is always holding on to this bond whereas you keep on showing me your attitude.
That's simply not FAIR.
But, my heart won't stop beating for you, your HEART and LOVE.
I'll still keep this relationship and i won't break it.
Just that im tired with all of your attitude.
Give me time.
Maybe i'll adjust myself, being more comfortable with you.
Understanding every single thing about you.

Should i say ~~GOODBYE~~?
Should i ~~LEAVE YOU ALONE~~?
Should i cut myself and write a letter to you by using my own blood to show how much i LOVE you?
Should i pretend to be happy with you which im ~~NOT~~?
Should i ~~GIVE UP~~?
OR
Should i complain?
Should i whine when you show your attitude?
Should i cry, when you ~~BROKE~~ my HEART?
Should i be more PATIENCE?
Should i be ~~ALONE~~?
OR
Should i lock myself in a room and CRY?
Should i DIE?

Im giving up because i have enough suffer, alone.
I cry alone, i hurt my ownself alone, i shout alone.
I bang my head alone and i type alone.
I did everything alone this past two days.
Without you is a burden but im trying my very best to calm down.
Trying my best to be more patience with your sick attitude.
Trying my best to understand you, over and over again.
I can't stop crying and i can't do much work alone.
I need you and i miss you.
How should i react in this situation?

Can anyone bury me alive?

Thanks 3B for supporting me and also my close friends.

P/s: maybe i need to stay alone or i should apologise every single second?
P/s: are you the one who is changing or is it just me?

"stupid attitude fucking love stories"

& wishing it was true.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dear diary,

I had a slight fever when i woke up today but still i when to wedding.
It was a bit akward. Im not too close with mummy side.
So i just kept quiet and smile.
(:

Mp3 baby gave me has a slight problem.
But i love that mp3 when i first saw it, black in colour and i just simply love it a lot.
Hopefully, its ok so that i could use it tomorrow.
By the way, thanks a lot baby.
Mp3 please get better, i want to use you.
((:

I don't want to sleep today eventhough im not feeling well.
I just don't want too and i don't know why.

I NEED TO BUY THIS THINGS:

-NIKE SHOE.
-BILLABONG BAG.
-STREET SOCCER SHOE, NIKE.
-SOCCER BOOT.

Ok, that's all i want for next two month.
I want to improve more on my floorball and soccer skills.
I want more soccer match.
I want more floorball match.
I want to improve more on my Maths and English.
I want to be the top English student again.

Not going to sleep, not going to sleep.
Want to watch, Ayat-Ayat Cinta.
And i don't want to sleep.

"Dance with me baby,
and i'll dance with you till late night."

I want everyone to smile and not sad.
Please smile people, i love you all and stop all the sadness.
(:

I LOVE YOU A LOT, ~~DICKHEAD.~~

P/s: baby you turn back the 'you' and you meant a lot to me.
P/s: Jul, thanks for being there with me.

"never change this feelings again baby"

& wishing it was true.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dear diary,

Happy 2 month Anniversary, YESTERDAY.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Rabbits hop so does kangaroos,
I would like to have this oppurtunity,
to tell you that,
I LOVE YOU

Fighting ruins everything.
Fighting makes me mad, makes you mad too.
Fighting makes me sad, it also makes you sad.
Fighting makes me lose my tears.
Fighting makes the situation worsen.
Fighting does not solve the problem.
Fighting is such a freak.
I hate fighting and i hate when this happen.
I hate your ~~attitude~~.
Fullstop.

Maybe it was my mistake, to like ~~someone~~.
A boy, a guy, an old man.
A child or even a baby.
It was my mistake i guess.
Blame me and shut me down like a computer or a PDA.
Repair me like a machine.
Blame me and its over.
It was my fault.

P/s: it is just 2 months and 1 day.

"tell me that it was my fault my mistakes"

& wishing it was true.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Dear diary,

Yesterday was like so finally.
Webcam with big brother and everyone cried except for daddy.
Big brother is getting a bit chubbier.
Fat!
Ouwww, we really miss him a lot.
):
Come home soon big brother, we miss you.

Today's fighting was terrible and horrible.
I lost a lot of my tears for you today, Mr JR.
You really spoilt my mood.

But thanks to Hafeez and my god brother, Abdillah, im ok.
Thanks for your support, care and love. I appreciate it a lot and i love you guys.

We had solved our problems but still im not ok with him.
Those actions, those behaviour.
I hate them and it makes me hate you for today.
3 more days and im not excited or happy about it.

P/s: it feels that im getting over you. don't make me hate you.

"im not into 13"

& wishing it was true.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Dear diary,

I hate it when we fight.
I hate it when we start to give each other a cool shoulder.
I hate it when we remain silence.
I hate it when we make fucking faces.
I hate it when we say ourself, useless.
I hate it when we cry.
I hate it when both of us are mad about such small issue.

I once wanted to destroy this beautiful paradise.
I once wanted to demolised every single cities.
I once wanted to cried out loud and kill myself.
I once wanted to be in this world with the feeling of sastifaction.
I once wanted to be in this world with happiness.
I once wanted to stay strong no matter what.
I once wanted a guy to stop hurting me and start loving me like a human being.
I once wanted to jump down from the 12 storey.
I once wanted to fight my fears.
I once wanted to forget about my ex's.

But everything of those fails.
I just don't understand about you now, boyfriend.
Your changing day by day.
Acting weirdly night by night.
Fighting day by day.
What's wrong? I just don't know.

This few weeks wasn't my favourite week after all.
I just wanted to get up and shout this, " i hate your attitude right now."
But words keep pulling me back.
The more i wanted to speak out loud about that, the more it is pulling myself down.
Taping my mouth with tape.
Scribbling my thoughts with love.
Opening my eyes to see how preacious you are to me.
Stuffing my ears with cotton wool so that i couldn't hear the bad words which came out from your mouth.
Crafting my hands to the wall, so that i couldn't slap you.
Sealing my legs to the ground, so that i couldn't kick your cock.
And it all ends up with love.

Today, we're happy and the next minute we're mad.
I don't know.
You change Abdillah.
I couldn't call you baby for now because my heart is in pain.
I only could call you jr.
Your nick and thats it.

Give me time and i'll give yours.
Show me that you've change into you, yourself.

P/s: Trying to forget about love.

"im waiting for that moment to happen"

& wishing it was true.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Dear diary,

I so want Canadian Pizza. Craving for one.

Well, simply i would like to ask for forgiveness to my own Cousin Yanteetee.
I'll call you to explain more about it.
Maybe the sleep over thing will be canceled.
Soo sorry.
I really hate to cancel it.

I really want to sleep at your house.
):

P/s: Jul your braces is my colour.

"owwww i hate it"

& wishing it was true.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Dear diary,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY NANAOZU.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Hope everything goes well.

And thanks for couching the floorballers.
Ok, I LOVE NANAOZU.

Once again, happy birthday nana. nana nana.

(:
Sorry i couldn't attend your small celebration.
Im so so sorry.

P/s: i want to demolised those stupid flats. Don't get it, just sit back and shut up.

"gags of laughter makes me puke"

& wishing it was true.