Saturday, May 31, 2008
Dear diary,
I just wanted to eat a Kebab since last month and nobody fufill my wants.
Its easy like ABC right?
Im fucking frustrated. Hate all this thing.
FUCK UH!
Before i went to camp, i kept on saying, "i want kebab, kebab."
Ok fine.
1 month is long ok.
Waited like a stupid ass.
And didn't get anything.
Fuck.
Yes, FUCK.
Damn.
Yes, DAMNMIT.
Whatever its is.
Its freaking shit.
If i had to die, i just can't have a last taste of KEBAB.
Isn't it such a fuck?
Its a big deal ok for me right now.
If you guys were to wait for 1 month about your food your craving for.
And you have to keep on waiting, how would you feel?
Ok???
Don't lie arh bitches. You will feel like crying don't you? FUCKER!
Today is soo unlucky.
Not getting the food i craving for and my hair sucks.
Chibai i hate today.
P/s: boyfriend you did it once more. no message, call or whatever. ok larr fine larr. APEAPE LARR.
Taufiqq your weird. Hate you friend. And people don't fucking asking me why ok chibai's?
"im not in the fucking mood to be bother"
& wishing it was true.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Dear diary,
Second post of the day.
Im just soo boring.
Nothing to do.
Nothing to write.
Nothing to draw.
Nothing to spell.
Nothing to hear.
I didn't listen to your voice today.
I didn't had the chance to meet you.
I didn't had the time to hear all of your stories.
I didn't had the time to hear your cute laughter.
Because, your not replying.
Where could you be.
Taufiqq.
You call me twice.
But you hang up.
What are you trying to do?
Are you lost? The same way as my boyfriend is right now?
P/s: If i had the chance, i would turn back the time of me being ill.
"take me to your world and show me you care"
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
I miss Baby.
I miss the fresh air.
I miss the Kebab.
I miss the Mall.
I miss daddy's car.
I miss the speed.
I miss the Cinema.
I miss my lost floorball ball.
I miss playing floorball.
I miss my cousins.
I miss my Friends.
I miss school.
I miss going out.
I miss hanging out.
I miss everything.
1 more month for brother's attachment.
And i swear, i am going to freaky miss him a lot.
His leaving.
):
)':
Everything would be different.
No more, brother here or there.
No more making brother breakfast.
No more fooling around.
))':
I just want to go out with brother before he leave.
"Abang keluar jom?!."
P/s: Taufiq the air. Zulqarnaen the sex.
"i want my baby"
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Dear diary,
Yesterday, i was back from my floorball camp.
Which i could say, i felt guilty.
I kept on blaming myself that i just let my teammates down like that.
Which hurts me more than Mr Lim i tell you.
I feel like killing myself for not doing the right thing.
But the main thing went up my mind was, 'never to give up'.
Soo i didn't.
Im tired and i overslept just now.
HAHAHA!
At last on my first class bed.
HAHAHA!
If not i will be lying on Amirah's elbow.
HAHAHAHA!
Sorry Amirah.
I miss 3 person who is far right now.
Effa, Ain and Faanaa.
:(.
P/s: i don't know why this past few days i have a brutial mind.
"baby i want you and her to be happy"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Dear diary,
Today is Daddy's birthday.
(:
Happy birthday Daddy. Your getting old.
Hahaha.
More white hairs to come.
I hope you have a long life and happy life up ahead.
Oh i love you.
ON HIATUS.
"you make me feel im again"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Dear diary,
Dissapointed with brother.
His leaving me.
If my parents allow him to go, he will be leaving on my birthday.
My birthday should be a happy one but i guess not for this year.
And i don't want my brother to leave, it sucks big core.
Because he was the one who i told my secrets or problems too.
He is my super shoulder when i sleep or cry.
Everything will end after the day my brother went to China.
4 months is long.
4 months without my brother is such an freaking fucking ass dick.
I love him the same way as i love my Mother.
P/s: I don't want to tolerate any of your craps. I have a lot of things to think.
"you make me sad today"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Dear diary,
And yes, my heart is partially breaking away from you.
My heart is giving up on you, sooner or later.
You changed.
Everything about you changed and its not the YOU i know.
Must i give up on you, today and the day after?
Or must i tell you and help you on the changing thing?
You told me you change and maybe you'll be like this for the rest of your life.
Well, it hurts me the bloody a lot more than how you feel right now.
Don't turns your guilt to me.
Because my heart have divided and it is just soo sick.
My heart wants to GIVE UP ON YOU.
Fully.
Tell me, do you know how i feel all this while?
You just don't seem to care about me anymore.
And right now, i told you already that, i'll let you be who you are.
Im giving up baby.
Im giving up.
Im sorry.
My heart is soo sick of this game.
My heart is soo hurt.
Hurt enough.
"throw me away"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Dear diary,
I had my floorball training on the friday and i injured myself.
But still, yesterday i still attend the floorball match at Republic Polytecnic.
And i just can't walk a lot for today.
Seriously its in pain.
The deep cut plus blue black.
Which i just can't bare the f-u-c-k-i-n-g pain.
Not soo deep cut.
And also plus the blue black.
Thanks to me and the floorball board i got that.
HOHOHO!
And not forgeting this date.
HAPPY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY BABY!
And oh i love you soo much.
P/s: Sorry Amirah.
P/s: Had a big headache with floorball blog. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
"eventhough its breaking i still love you"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was suppose to eat at Changi Airport.
But, it was cancel.
Ok, i don't want to elaborate on that.
Becuase it just sucks.
Me and mum proceed to RASA 21.
I know people who live at Tampines street 21 knows that place.
HOHO!
We went home straight after that.
And here i am.
I just want to cry.
But i want it to be a silence one.
Which nobody could hear.
Not even the ants.
I gave up with everything.
I gave up on you and our hopes.
I gave up on caring about you.
But i won't give up on our love.
Maybe, i need to leave you alone with your friends.
I guess, you don't put your 100% care for me.
Not anymore.
This heart is giving up on you.
I hope you have happiness.
I hope what you want, came true.
"im not for you i guess let's spin it around"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Dear diary,
At last, im relieved.
Mid-Year Exam have end today.
Currently waiting for baby to message me.
Ok, i do miss him a lot.
But, due to something, i feel kind of weird.
We talk, but only like one sentence and we're done.
I ask him.
He reply.
And then, silence.
Ok, just stop talking about him.
I feel different this days.
Where is the love baby?
Where is the laughter baby?
Where is the care baby?
You don't want to see me cry again do you?
Or do you want to see me cry?
You don't want me to be alone again do you?
Or do you want me to be alone?
Baby i just need you right now and tell me what's wrong.
You still want me or not?
P/s: & i miss my AMIRAH and NURULAIN♥
"its up to you"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Dear diary,
Today im soo soo tired.
I feel like i had been standing for a long hours without sitting down.
My legs are f-u-c-k-i-n-g aching me.
Just finish cleaning my room.
Oh my god!
Let me recall for awhile.
Maths paper 2 was better than the previous paper.
Or maybe they are about the same.
Because, i didn't focus on any damn thing about it.
I just wrote down the answer without even thinking.
(:
HOHOHO!
Yeah, whatever!
Im not scared if i fail my Mid-Year.
Because i wasn't focusing in class.
Mummy and brother left me alone at home, right now.
But its ok.
Its ok.
Ok.
I don't care.
Maybe.
Just abit.
Im freaking lonely.
HAHAHA!
Im soo sick.
I have no gay patner.
No gay-ing.
GRRRR!
Well, baby.
If you want her, go get her.
Im not that type of girlfriend which force you to stop being friends with her.
Im just too tired to know about what happen.
Im just too tired to look at what the both of you are doing.
Im just too tired to bother about your life.
Because you made me feel this way.
And yes, IM TIRED.
You just don't seem to bother.
Well, why should i right?
Get along with her.
And just ignore about me.
IM TOTALLY INVISIBLE TO YOU BOYFRIEND.
Just don't break any close friendship with her.
BECAUSE I SAID SOO!
She's nice, soo treat her nice.
Only one more paper to go.
Design and Technology.
(:
"because im too tired to cry for you anymore"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Dear diary,
"Happy Mother's Day to this Special SuperMum."
I've wrote her a letter, last few days before mother's day.
Which i could recall that i let Amirah read it.
HOHO!
Which is soo damn f-u-c-k-i-n-g touching.
Well, i pull her to my room and read it to her.
Which suddenly she burst into tears.
Oh god.
By the way, Happy mother's Day momma.
(:
And hell yeah, i love you to the core.
HARDCORE!
And also to baby's mummy.
Happy birthday and happy mother's day.
And to all Mother's out there, HAPPY MOTHER's DAY.
YOUR KIDS LOVE YOU A LOT.
Geeeeeeeees.
Not much to elaborate on this preacious date.
Just to say one more thing before i end.
I LOVE MY MUMMY.
"let this be a lesson for you baby choose between me and her"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Dear diary,
Take your time.
Take every hour, minute or even a second on her.
But don't regret.
Don't cry when things turns out bad.
Because i would not like to hear them.
Your whining.
Your crying.
Your voice when all come's to an end.
When you and her end.
I'll be here, saying that's ok.
Don't cry because its no use to cry on a split milk.
No use to regret.
You want her soo badly.
You want her to be close to you.
I give you a chance.
But when it ends between you and her.
Don't turn to me and cry.
You hurt me a million zillion times already.
Soo its time for me to see how hurt you can be.
It hurts more than jumping down from the 20th floor.
It hurts more than you've been hit by a truck.
It hurts more than cutting yourself to pieces.
It hurts more than people hitting you with a steel hammer.
It hurts more than anything you could feel.
That's how hurt i am actually.
But i kept quiet and move on.
I stay strong for a reason.
To keep this relationship going on.
To make more hopes.
To build more empires.
But, im wrong.
You want her.
The decision depends on you, yourself.
But, i try my very best to pull you away from her.
But, if you flick and move to her.
I'll haunt you down with a knife.
I swear.
Its between me and her.
Soo choose well boyfriend.
I end all of my bestest friendship with all of my boy friends just for you.
I don't want you to get hurt on such a small thing.
But, in the end.
What did i get in return.
Heart-ache.
You don't know what to give me.
And i told you, that i only want your LOVE and not more.
I guess putting a lot of hopes on you is just soo sickening.
What ever it is.
I'll let you think deeply.
And reflect.
And think about how i feel.
Because you just don't seem to understand.
"im freaking out of words with you"
& wishing it was true.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was a UN-lucky day for me.
But hey, THANKS A LOT to this people.
Who are soo preacious.
AISHA♥♥
EFFA♥♥
FADHLI(:
DANIEL(:
Thanks you guys for the advice, helping and cheering me up.
Oh well, im ok for now.
"you should think how i feel also"
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Dear diary,
Mummy bought me this bear.
It even have my zodiac on it.
She knows how to cheer me up.
Oh, i love her.
Mummy, 3 more days to count.
Oh ya, now i know how people face looks like when they are soo angry.
It looks like this.
But it seems cute enough.
Well, it reminds me of Mr Khan.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry Mr Khan!
Four more paper to go and im happy.
(:
Hopefully, tomorrow i can go out with baby, EFFA, AISHA, Fadh, Dan and many more.
See you guys tomorrow.
Oh tomorrow is Malay listening.
Well have to dig ears.
"erase delete and ignores"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Dear diary,
Im just protecting my brother.
To who ever the name is, i guess non.
Well, if your toes are laughing let me see.
I would really want to see.
It could be really amazing.
If your protecting Faisya im protecting my brother.
If you don't know any full stories please ask my brother.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Kind of funny when you tag without your real name.
Isn't that lame.
Soo lame.
Atleast i tag i put my nick name.
Better than nothing.
You are the one who is making my butt laugh.
And how can i know your nice?
You should meet me face to face.
Then i can tell you how's your attitude is.
(:
Ok, im sorry if you think im a big fuck or whatever.
Ok, SORRY for the vulgarities.
(:
Let's end this and let my brother settle it with Faisya.
Tired to drag this matter soo long.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"you make me laugh"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Dear diary,
Today went to meet baby at Daniel's house.
Fun with all those jokes around.
Well, now i know.
Misunderstanding occurs when we did not spent much time with the love's one.
Oh baby i love you.
Today is FAISYA birthday.
Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAISYA.
May all your wish come true and be happy.
To SPAMMER:
FUCK YOU KANINA. SPAM WITHOUT WITTING YOUR NAME.
THATS SOO SOO GREAT.
FATHER MOTHER NEVER GIVE YOU NAME ISIT?!
KANINA CHIOCHIBAI.
I JUST SAYING THE TRUTH WHAT.
I DIDNOT EVEN SAY ANY VULGARITIES TO YOU THAT TIME WHAT FUCKER.
NOW WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING FUCKING PROBLEM?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"i love baby"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Dear diary,
A minute, to cheer me up.
A hour, to make me suffer.
To you, Baby boy♥:
I didn't know that loving you could hurt myself deeply. But can i give you another chance this time?
Another chance to convince me that you have changed and only love me?
Is it true that you only love me and not others?
Everyday, i would think hard before i went off to school.
Do i want to bump into you?
Do i really want to meet you?
There's no point of meeting you if my heart still hurts.
There's no point of me looking at you when my heart is still telling me that i just can't understand you.
I tried my very best to understand you but why can't you do the same?
Everytime, its hurts me.
Am i a good girlfriend for you?
You don't know what i had been doing in the examination hall.
Behind your back i kept on looking at you and asking myself, "what am i doing right now, is it right?"
I try to force myself to believe you.
Every single word.
Every single promises.
I hope that this relationship would move on and last long.
But it really hurts my own self.
You had fun out there while im sitting here,
cracking and asking what have i done wrong.
You went out without telling me where are you heading to.
Must i call you and ask you every single detail where are you heading to?
I guess i don't have to right?
You are big enough for all that responsibility.
I try not to control you but all i ended up was you having fun by your own.
Left me out.
Sometimes i feel that, who am i to you?
A friend or someone which you cherish to internity?
I don't like to elaborate on this problem about you and me to my friends anymore.
But sometimes i just can't control my emotions.
I thought you could be the greatest man in my life.
But i was wrong.
I still need to understand you more on your friendship life.
Only one day turns out to be fine.
But the rest had been one ass.
I apologise for making you sick about my post or feel insulted.
I am just expressing my own feelings and not others.
Hafizah♥
Thanks Amirah for spending your time with me today.
Thanks for teaching me maths.
I appreciate it a lot and also you, love.
And to you, ex.
Thanks for making my day shine.
"do you really love me or just love"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Dear diary,
Currently reading a book called, the Ex-Boyfriend's Hand Book.
The book was super great.
I love it.
The book consists of 407 pages.
And i just borrowed it yesterday.
Now i'm currently on the 68 page of the book.
The book is about a life story of a guy on the daily lifes to get his girlfriend back.
Just can't wait for the ending part.
Well, tomorrow is history paper.
Woootsz!
And the paper will end at 0900 hours.
SO FUCKING HAPPY!
I hope the paper is easy.
I'll be revising later.
I still have not paid for the library fees.
And i am like soo don't know what to do.
Baby boy, i just don't seem to understand what's with you.
Tell me, what's wrong.
Tell me, what are your thinking.
Tell me, what do you feel.
"don't under estimate me"
& wishing it was true.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Dear diary,
Isn't it delicious?
It was yesterday supper.
Yesterday slept around 1.30 am, and i woke up like a pig.
Yes oink oink.
Currently now im having a s-t-u-p-i-d stomach ache.
Pain i tell you.
Well, baby is at Daniel's house.
Baby is studying there.
(:
Well tomorrow i would be going out.
Yes, to study on my own again i guess.
Want baby to join in but i guess he maybe tired.
Dissapointed?
a bit, maybe his tired.
(;
Yesterday was a great f-u-c-k-i-n-g day with baby.
I miss his butt.
(:
How to spell the long name of the butt?
Buttock right?
HAHAHA!
ASS.
Next stop is to kill HISTORY!
Watch out you paper.
And Mr Daniel.
I'll shot you guys to death.
Okay, i love my baby.
"bring me more practices"
& wishing it was true.
