Friday, February 29, 2008
Dear diary,
Ouh soo boring today never go floorball training due to my cough and fever.
See sick again.
Boring sey.
Ouuw i just hate how much i fight with Hakim.
Hakim just chatted with me and asking me, whats wrong with me.
I did what my heart tells me.
My hearts told me to express all my feeling and yes i did.
He was angry and he put on his personal message on msn writting, "Please stay. Don't go i got you now. Are you serious?".
But for me its like fuck.
And i told him to proff that how i can trust him again.
And he agree.
But still broke my stupid heart.
He said on the msn that 'okay uh byebye.'
He say he blah pon bagus.
It means, walk away more better.
I was like okay bye.
Idiot you see.
Like fucking bitch.
I don't trust him.
Really i don't.
"arggggggggggggh"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Dear diary,
I was not suppose to burst out of tears so hard after recess.
But i could not bare it.
But i was too sensitive about it.
Look, why do my exs does not care for me like my friends does?
Even Hamka his twin care for me.
Shout out my name infront of his friend and not being embarrased to have a friend like me.
But you are different, eventhough you are there alone you don't have the guts to say hi.
Why are you too scared of people noticing it?
Why can Hamka shout out my name and you can't?
You just smile and turn back quickly?
And when one of my friend walk pass you, you dare larr call her.
Hey im not blaming my friends but im blaming you.
All my bloody fingers are pointing at you now.
And its not Hasanah FAULT.
Your such a BITCH boyfriend.
And i just want to apologies to Mr Khan for not replying what you ask.
Im such a fool.
But im really sorry.
And thanks to, Fatimah, Effa, Ain, Amirah, Rozzana and Herman for hugging me.
And all thanks to my class for giving me advice and making me happy.
Thanks to Amirah, Nabila, Rifqi and Hady for making me laugh.
This was not my day.
Really it wasn't.
And maybe Famhi was right.
His a poser and he can pose to another girl which means play-timer.
All of this now make sense.
Maybe Fahmi have knock the sense out of me.
If he can do that to his ex why not me?
Right?
I just hope that the past won't repeat again.
It really hurts.
If i knew its going to happen, i won't have love him that deeply.
"all of this was wrong"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Dear diary,
Lets asked the pictures to do some talking.
FRIDAY.
'the table number'
'where's the food?'
'he is hungry'
'the siblings ahoi'
'mum pretends that she's a superstar'
'the monkeys'
SUNDAY.
'at a sushi restaurant'
'at the car going home and i fall asleep on his shoulder'
TODAY.
Drifting away from reality.
And i have no mood.
Moodswing.
Angry always, trying to smile but suffered deep inside.
I can be happy but im really hurt inside.
Is he really cheating on me phatt?
Can you dig for me more secrets?
I beg you love.
Please help me.
Im suffering.......
It hurts me alot.
All i do is fake smile and laughter which i never meant it was true.
I need to know the truth.
Thats all.
P.S: Help me please Fatimah. Thank you.
"i tried to stay strong but no matter how hard i try, i still fall"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Dear diary,
YESTERDAY.
At night we went to eat at sakura.
Okay no need to talk much okay.
TODAY.
Take mum from work and went off to walk at Tampiness Mall and Century Square.
Then when eat at Al-Salihin.
When to Joo Chiat for making our Hari Raya clothes.
I know its early.
My mum and dad is really excited about it and i don't know why.
P.S: If anyone hate me tell me, i'll accept it larr and i won't be angry.
"hunney meet me soon please, i miss you"
& wishing it was true.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Dear diary,
Luckly i did not argue much with Hakim.
When he put down the phone i cried.
ouh sensitive i know.
After that, we met.
And i kiss his muscle.
He tried to say the problem again and i close my ears and told him that i don't want to fight.
Come on larr, i love him like fuck.
Im a girl which is sensitive and don't like to lose my love ones.
Anybody takes him away from me, I GOING TO KILL YOU BITCH.
"i just love HAKIM"
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Dear diary,
Im okay with life.
Im okay with my problems.
Im okay with the truth.
Crying won't resolve anything.
Smile is a must.
Problems must not show.
Just that im just being too sensitive.
Hurt by truth.
And nowadays, i have a really bad moodswing.
I get angry easily, cry easily and laugh easily.
"truth are good, soo i know you better"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Dear diary,
Tried to remember the lyrics to a song call, Kasih mengapa.
The song has become like so famous.
Many people starts to sing it every period or minute.
Keep repeating that song all over again.
Same goes to me.
Every minute i sang.
People gets annoy.
Yes they did.
Today class was havoc as usual.
And im so happy that Herman is back.
Actually a long time ago.
HAHAHAHA!
When Herman is back, Victor is suspended.
What the hell?
Study programme was a 'lame' one.
My classmate starts to complain that they cannot take it anymore at 3.00PM.
Funny sey.
The teacher also say.
He cannot take it.
Overall, today was a fun day except i only met my boyfriend for 5 minutes.
Don't huh okay.
Normal larr like that.
Talk a bit and went off.
Tomorrow im going to get something at night.
Can't wait.
I did not even want to hate Zulqarnaen but i just don't want to talk to him.
It will consider as a disturbence.
So let it be.
I'll shut up and never look at him like now.
But can i nag here before i say goodbye?
Nowadays i have to eat outside food because mum have been working lately and busy with work.
I think im becoming fatter.
I think only.
While my friends say im skinny like stick.
But still, i love myself.
On diet can?
I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND.
toodles~
"i love it when his there with me. he make me smile"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was not fun or not cool.
But steady.
Still holding an anger inside me.
Its like what the fuck.
Blame me?
Warn me?
But hey hello, he told Amirah that he only care me as a friend.
And why is he stressing about me a lot?
Hahahaha! FUCK OFF!
Say me idiot, say want to break my face and have a bad relationship now?
Ouuhh ya.
Thanks.
Blabla.
Whatever.
Just like what i want to tell you, i love my sayang a lot.
P.S: Get a life larr bitch, make me angry you see what happens. I don't want to fight but you make me.
"ilovehakimalot"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Dear diary,
On HIATUS.
Just 3 words to say to my love,
I LOVE YOU.
and i don't want to elaborate anything until i come back home.
"andilovehimnomatterwhat"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was so my happy day.
Ouuuh my sayang just gave me a barney and a small teddy that wrote i love you in the heart.
I tell you.
Its damn sweeeeeeeet.
Ouuhhs, aku cinta dia.
And today everything goes well.
I've borrow one book and its got to do with angels.
XDDDDD
"im damn happy and aku sayang dia"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Dear diary,
POEM.
A blue, black shade of love.
Sent from above.
My hands are tied, two worlds alone,
And this I know.
Your breath's like wine,
And just like clouds, my skin crawls.
It's so divine, the sky it glows with fields of light.
Did you know that I love you?
Come and lay with me.
I love you.
And honesty, I love you.
You make me feel alive.
And I'll love you,
Until the end of time.
My hands shake clasped with fear,
As you come near
To say goodnight, just like a dove.
A peaceful sign.
To help us by.
As you come in.
Let this begin.
Stars fall like dust, our lips will touch.
We speak too
I've got a lot to say, if you will let me
It's always hard, when you're around me
But here right now, there's interest in your eyes
So hear me out, and hear this the first time much.
Written by: Hakim
And its lovely.
"akucintakamu"
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
Supposingly today i should not have gone to school.
Due to some reason, im sick and i took and MC just to excuse for P.E not much.
Alright move on about today.
Hahaha.
Didn't went for P.E plus Floorball training due to im sick.
Once again i tell you im sick.
Can't read at the previous blog is it?
Stupid.
Or maybe cupid because its nearly Valentine's Day.
Two more days to go.
And i tell you straight, im not happy when its valentines.
Sucks big time.
Okay proceed.
At recess the canteen was like super fuck.
Packed plus no place to sit plus dirty.
Well luckly got food to eat.
Atleast something than nothing.
English lesson, half of the class was like soo dead.
Sleep.
And others do their own stuff.
And the rest listen to what my english teacher read a story or something.
Sorry i was not paying attention in class.
Because i was totally not in the mood.
The bell rang and we, 3B , had to go to the parade square and assemble.
You know why larr i don't have to eleborate on it.
Somemore have stupid ' STUDY PROGRAME ' .
I know like fuck.
After that stupid programe thing.
Hang out outside the class for awhile while waiting for the others to finish.
Hahaha.
I tell you it was fun.
Splashing water and chasing and teasing your old classmate.
Don't you miss the fun with them?
I did.
And its alot.
ALOT.
Went home with my anger.
And once again i don't want to eleborate on things like that.
No use.
Okay im off.
Msn-ing with my friends and love.
Bye bitch~
"honestly i love you sayang, you leave me i find you"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Dear diary,
Last Friday, actually had a sore throat.
Yesterday, fever and flu attack.
But i still i could go out.
Find shoe and ate KFC.
:DD
And my dearest accompanying me and my mum find my shoe.
Eat together.
Went shopping after that, buy everlast shoe.
Next stop went to Natasha house to do some english stuff.
And fever is getting higher.
(X
Today.
Want to go doctor but no doctor open.
Like i don't want to go to polyclinics okay.
They sucks.
Plus tomorrow i'll still force myself to go to school. ( if i can )
(X
And im addicted to MUSE thanks to Zulfahmi.
(((X
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Okay im off.
Throat is such a pain.
"ilovesamayou"
& wishing it was true.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Dear diary,
Today sore throat attack. :D
And i just want to thank my hunney for accompaning me on the phone.
ILOVESAMAKAMU.
Sorry if i have hurt any of my girlfriends heart if i did not realise.
Sorry.
Sorry.
"akusayangdia"
& wishing it was true.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Dear diary,
i've been thinking hard.
what if one day i die before all of my friends, family knows about it.
what if i have this ill-ness which can't be cure and i have no choice but have to wait for my death to come.
what if i die, will all of my love one's cry.
what if my love one could only see me a few minutes and im dead.
i don't know that i will live long or not.
because its all up to god.
he can give me any ill-ness or die now.
but what if i really die next morning....
im just going to miss all my love one's.
expecially my family, bestiests, girlfriends, friends and ex.
you are my world.
which could entertain me to make me laugh.
you guys are the one who tolerate my crap-ness.
what if i really die........
i've been listening to a mlay and english songs.
tittle cinta and empty.
and all of that questions just poops up on my head.
we are people who are created to live and die.
like a flower, first it was fresh and they need sunlight and water to live.
if there is too much sunlight they would just withered and die.
pedals start dropping and the flower starts turning brown.
some goes to animals and the life of nature in this world.
whatever it is, we still must move on.
and if i die, all my love one's take care okay.
and i will always love you and will always be there by your side.
"i've talk enough"
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
Dear god,
Could you give me a one last love for mee to be happy.
One last hug and kisses for me to love.
A person to make me laugh.
A person who can hold me tight.
Promises which are always hold.
A word which always make me feel like im a princess.
Can you just grant me one more wish and hopes?
"please open my heart"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Dear diary,
I JUST LOVE TODAY.
IT MAKES ME FEEL GREAT.
JUST HAVING SOMEONE BY YOURSIDE HOLDING YOUR HANDS WHICH MAKE YOU REMIND OF SOMEONE.
YOUR EX.
AND OUUUHHH I JUST LOVE TODAY.
"why is it so hard to let you go"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Dear diary,
Today was my terrible nightmare.
I know that someone have say me a playgirl but hey who is the want wanted the break just because of a girl you tell me.
Maybe there's something more terrible you told others behind my back.
Its super terrible.
Ya, like i say blame on me.
I attitude what..
Playgirl what..
Like to be high profile what..
But hey i ask you who say im a playgirl, if i am a playgirl i already have many ex's you know.
And why i keep on patching up with Zulqarnaen because there's something in my feeling deep inside my heart thats tell me his the one and i know i ruin it.
Say whatever you want.
Like a bitch or whatever.
Just blame it on me.
"just shutup you bitch"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Dear diary,
Sorry but i try to ignore him but i can't.
And i try to force vomit today.
I know im mad, crazy and insane.
I just soo SAD.
I just can't get over with it.
Eventhough i laugh or make jokes its just that i still cry.
For god-ness sake.
I hate feeling like this, like so fuck-up, so bitch.
Bitch you know.
It hurts when you look back at your ex.
And remember what he told you that make you realise.
Hmmm.
Im just soo sad.
Actually i cannot even bare to see his face but i try to ignore it.
I just don't want to talk to him because i know it will just hurt him and his heart.
Like he say, think before you say stuff.
I still remember what you text me that morning.
It pains soo much.
Soo much.
When can the day of leaving school come?
I just want to get over it.
Seriously.
Im in pain.
"words does hurts"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Dear diary,
Today i just know that my eyes got problem thanks to the eye checker.
My degree are getting higher and i had to use something different.
Plus i sucks.
"i die, you get another girl more better than me"
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
"You text me in the morning which make me realise one thing. You told me that im putting all the blame on you which i don't realise. You ask me what you did wrong but i know you did nothing. You didn't ask for the break it was me. You care, i know. And i did not have the guts to say it right infront of your face and did not even say goodbye or take care. And i did not say that i care more of my bestiest than you. Like i always say, i always love my boyfriend more than my bestiests or girlfriends. They don't deserve any hugs or kisses from me. And your not a piece of shit, idiot or a fucker. Yes we're different and im not the Hafizah you know the past 2 years. Yes, i did say i love you no matter what happen and its true. You ask Amirah and Natasha i started to cry just because of you. And you just don't know whats in my heart. You say i better think before i say right. Next time i won't say anything to you. Not even a word because it will just hurt you and your heart. Soo now your not the wrong and it is me. Soo people stop putting blame on Zul but put the blame on me. I deserve it to be treated like a dog and noone to love me."
"there's alot of question in my mind and one feeling in my heart"
& wishing it was true.
