Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Dear diary,
Firstly, i would like to wish all of the MUSLIM PEOPLE's a,
SELAMAT HARI RAYA! MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN YAAAA!
(:
Pictures of the lost time, hahaha.
DONE!
I LOVE YOU.
Brother and my shirts.
The pair of stussy shirt.):
I miss wearing it with him.
)))))))):
Raya isn't going to be as normal as last years.
Big brother isn't here.
Big brother isn't celebrating with us, together.
Imagine, if you are really really close with your love one, and he/she is not there to celebrate this speacial day,
how would you feel?
When every early in the morning, you will see him slack at his bed before going to take his shower.
Who always give you advices and supports.
Who always try to make you happy when your sad.
Who always get temper when you are in trouble or bullied.
Who always act as if he hates your hugs but he really need it sometimes.
Who always ask you to sleep beside him.
Who always ask you to play his hair.
Who always ask you to look at his hair whenever his going out.
Who always see you early in the morning.
Who never stop loving you.
Who always create jokes which sometimes is kind of StuPid.
Who message you telling you to go home because his worried.
Who always need a friend like you to accompany him buy stuff or even just slack around.
Who always say this and that.
Who always let you sleep on his shoulder when you are sleepy.
Who never stop covering for you.
Who never tell lies to you.
Who always share with you his problems.
Who always need you to shine.
How would you feel?
How?
First day of Raya, he will always be there for me but now, its simply different.
Why must this be so un-FAIR?
I miss brother a lot.
It can't be decribe.
And i know, i just want to cry.
Raya without brother is so not right.
30 November, please be fast.
I miss big brother a lot.
)''':
p/s: not in the mood to raya.
p/s: come home fast brother. ):
"dull without you big brother"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Dear diary,
Fucker(s) who love to create stories, please kindly bitch off.
FREAK(s)!
I just simply don't understand why some people, like your ex's, love to create stories.
They didn't read the comment properly than want to act big.
Hatred sia.
I hate people like this. HATE!
I want to bash my ex face sia.
EEEEEEEE! One on one uh, bitch.
Fucker idiot stupid. Now i want to bash you up.
Fucker.
You think i need my friends to beat you up is it? I can do it on my own sia, stupid.
FUCK YOU LARR, GO SUCK BITCH BREAST UH SIA!
OK, let me cool down ok.
1,2,3. Breathe in and out.
Ok, school was ok.
P.E time was fun. I love it.
Bloody Iman, go make me look like a small kid.
HAHAHAHAHA!
After p.e was math's lesson. Like usual, i didn't pay attention for that one period.
HAHAHA! Happy ok.
Relief stress for a moment.
Took this unexpected picture.
Amirah don't want to take the picture with me. So sad.
):
Let me recall, ermm. School was ok, overall.
(:
Effa, i know you hate this pendant.
(:
I half love about today and half hate about today.
Suck-ish.
p/s: tomorrow.
p/s: i love my boyfriend.
"the nerd is my boyfriend got any problem"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Dear diary,
I had to update about today because of this people, Amirah, Natasha and Ernie.
Hoho! Before i enter today life let me show you my lovely model.
HAHAHA! I caught Effa using my phone, yesterday, to take her pictures, how cute.
Ouwwwww, Effa makes me happy.
Ok, let's begins today journey.
Recess time was obviously bored, we got no where to go so we stayed in class and did something really surprising.
Here goes the story, there was once a nerd. Who always got bullied by her friends.
Retarted ass.
Suddenly, she transform into a-so-call, 'GANGSTER'. Hahaha!
When it turns to ramadhan, she change into an innocent girl. Gay face.
She studied and studied until she got old. Hatred school.
Until one day she die in peace.
Hahaha. There goes the stories.
HAHAHA!
Ok im done posting ok.
HAHAHA! Tired and i want to sleep.
Don't want to sleep in class tomorrow because later Amirah will be waking me up like hell.
Plus Ain, you take an advantage to draw on my hand when i was asleep.
HAHAHA!
Cute.
p/s: stomach ache):
p/s: i love my boyfriend.
"party people"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Dear diary,
I want the past to GO AWAY because it's hurting me.
According to my heart, im abit ok. The sad thing was, i kept on crying about my bloody past.
The worst thing is that, i made boyfriend sad. I know his sad because i haven't get over
Boyfriend, im sorry.
Today, school had a lot of fights. A lot of blood coming out.
Euwww! Ozing like nobody's buisness.
GOD!
Oh ya, today me and Sokkan learn about making the breast big haha.
Its like flapping the stupid breast hahaha!
Ok that was equally funny.
Class was energetic today.
And oh, don't forget those sushi.
Oh ya, Sorry Effa if i cried about
It just flow out. It was not my intention to cry.
To you too, Hafeez.
Im sorry.
I guess, i'll do my English Essay.
And it's all about you,
I want to end this post with a little something.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMIRAH.
LAST LONG AND BE HAPPY ALWAYS.
WOW, GETTING AN IC I SEE.
HAHAHA.
I LOVE YOU A LOT.
TAKE CARE GIRL.
And i love this guy.
((:
p/s: getting over you soon.
"i need you to shine me"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Dear diary,
I WANT BATMAN STUFF, ):
Bugis was pack. Pack. Pack.
I need money to buy those t-shirts there.
Those lappy.
And oh that billabong bag, i want them. (:
Hahaha, oh ex,
Get the ideas right bitch. You say you wouldn't love her. HAHAHA!
Freak bodoh kau. Da merepek.
You really make me fucking laugh. HECK CARE! YOU'RE HER'S WHAT, B-I-T-C-H!
((((((((:
Happy because you're a freak.
But hey, my eidil make me happy.
Eidil is now my everything, EVERYTHING.
Get those right.
Fuck off larr past, bring me future.
((:
memories.
Oh my, how i wish 18th could be fast.
By the way, HAPPY BELATED ANNIVERSARY AIN AND EFFA.
I love everything today.
Except for the stupid past.
Bloody.
P/s: Batman batman batman please.
P/s/s: 18th 18th 18th.
"the past sucks don't you think"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Dear diary,
I'll be going off to my coffin soon because im dying.
Get ready for all of your tears and towels.Get ready for all of the flowers.
Because sooner or later i will literally die due to my heart ache.
I swear it hurts.
I swear it hurts.
I swear it's killing me.
I swear it's killing me.
I swear im not strong.
I swear im not strong.
I swear i could die.
I swear i could die.
I swear i won't stay long with this kind of heart ache.
I swear i won't stay long with this kind of heart ache.
Im dying.
Im dying.
Put me in my coffin.
Put me in my coffin.
Comforting and advices don't really work that much.
I better be off than letting myself hurt even deeper.
I put on my best behaviour infront of everyone.
I put on my best mask infront of everyone.
I put my best smile and laughter infront of everyone.
I put my best self infront of everyone.
Nobody can hear that im crying my heart and lungs out.
It really hurts me deeply. It cuts like a knife.
It breaks like a glass.
It lost like a silver diamond ring.
My heart is now in serious pain.
Seriously, it hurting me.
How i wish i have a heart cancer or whatsoever.
To die faster. To bury all this sadness faster.
To kill all this pain away. To let all this sadness go.
Nobody can feel how i feel.
This smile, this laughter are so fake.
So fake until i over-react on it.
So fake that it hurts myself so much.
I need to take a break.
I need to breathe.
I need to let it go.
I need to be stress-free.
I need to go with the flow.
I need to run.
I need to find a nice relaxing place.
I need to relaxs my mind.
I need to get out of all this shits.
All this problems.
Im dying.
Put me in my black metallic coffin.
Bury me in.
Don't let any lights shone on my coffin.
Because i won't need it.
P/s: my heart is really aching. ))':
"this tears people won't notice"
& wishing it was true.
Dear diary,
I just don't simply understand, WHAT'S WRONG.
I just can't get it with my problems nowadays.
With dad's problem and others.
Feel like killing myself.
Feel like dying.
I don't know what to do.
I can't describe more.
Perhaps, i should die.
Yes i should.
):
Just leave me alone for a while.
Maybe i'll be just fine.
Maybe, not.
P/s: i need Eidil Aiman and Hafeez Nawas.
"forget about me"
& wishing it was true.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Dear diary,
Its 2.13am in the morning, but still im awake.
I can't sleep. I don't know why.
Perhaps, i've been thinking about what i did wrong yesterday at 7.35pm.
I nearly score another 1 more goal but the goalkeeper save it.
Ok, i was sad. Thought of making another goal but stupid me i shoot high. ):
I guess im not that good, not as pro, not as fantastic as the rest.
Im at the bottom line. Im a loser.
Heart break.
The opponent goalkeeper save the ball like catching a bloody fly.
A bloody fly with a red eyes like a red disco ball.
Ok, i didn't push or what ever the opponent ok, she felt and it was obviously her fault.
Want to run but fall and say, "sial", what for?
So im the one lar, you're aiming?
When the ball hits me you say good?
What is your motive girl?
No sportsmanship is it?
Bloody.
Atleast i scold vulgarities at the ball not people.
No sportsmanship still want to play that sport.
Stupid.
Why must you be jealous?
Why must you be angry?
Why must you still have to wait?
Why must you always think?
Why must you always dream?
Why must you keep on talking or even asking?
ALL ABOUT ME?
Look, its simple. You don't have to do anything which includes me.
Sometimes, it irritates me.
Sometimes, it doesn't.
Simply because i hate you already.
That last Wednesday was my last patience with you.
You ran over my limit.
I feel like killing you that time.
I feel like slapping/hitting you.
But i ignore and always told myself that you are my friend.
You make me hate you and not love you.
Damn make me fucking angry with you.
Im not ok.
Im not alright.
Why must you react that way?
Isn't it bloody hell stupid?
That letter didn't mean anything anymore last Wednesday.
All of it was
It's meaningless, better you throw it away.
No need to think anything.
Fucking bastard.
You are the one who's making me mad and pretending to act as normal.
Its good when i gave you another stupid chance rather than none.
Its good that i forgive you then i say, no.
Fuck you, i shouldn't have done those things last Wednesday.
Im stupid on making decision. I sucks at it.
I rather die than seeing your face or seeing your attitude.
Fuck.
What i type here, is still not all out ok.
The rest, i keep it to myself.
Maybe i should ignore everything about you.
Everything that include's you.
I am so sorry, but you sucks anyway.
P/s: cramps cramps cramps.
"the world is dead i think"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Dear diary,
Im not in a very good mood for now, fuck off.
People are changing weirdly.
Im having a flu, damn.
Im having a heart ache, fuck.
Im having a fever, die die.
Im not happy, cibbai.
I feel people are ignoring me, get lost.
I feel people don't care, yes they don't.
I need my laughing pill, is it wrong?
I need my preacious pill, is it wrong?
I need my pinching pill, is that ok?
I need my supporter pill, is it ok?
I need my curly twin pill, are you fine with it?
I need everyone, can i get that?
I need Nurulain for the time being.
I need all my friends for now.
Or even better, i need everyone.
Im fucking not happy now.
Im fucking angry now.
Im fucking upset now.
Im fucking damn.
):
Is it like so wrong?
I guess i need to back out abit.
)':
P/s:
"maybe i need to leave all of you alone because im just a loser"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Dear diary,
Im speechless.
Im out of words.
Im blank.
Im stuck.
I won't be sleeping well today.
Perhaps, i'll be alone and think about what i've done this afternoon.
):
Am i not fair to you and you?
Sometimes seeing you like that makes me sad.
Sometimes seeing the another you also makes me sad.
)):
Both are loved by me.
I think i'll finish up my homework and brush up on my maths.
P/s: should i give you the letter or
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Dear diary,
I want to be the
Who pierce, who do a lot of crazy stuff, who prefer to be bad rather than a good girl.
Who always scold vulgarities to her parents.
Who always say, her parent's does not care for her.
I change to a good girl because of my childhood friends.
2 years i left them alone and when i meet them i change.
I started to listen to daddy a bit.
But why?
Why must daddy NOT understand my situation?
Brother is not here to comfort me and i left here alone.
In a room of darkness.
I need to brighten my life UP.
But why, you scold me last night?
I knew i was the wrong but why blame others?
Why DO YOU BLAME OTHERS WHICH IS NOT WRONG?!
Im in the wrong and not them.
You hate them, FUCK YOU.
I LOVE THEM!
They were the one who stay with me.
They were the one who replace brother's place.
They make me laugh with their empty jokes.
And for your information dad, your jokes are bloody so lame that even i laugh because of your stupidity.
Get the facts right dad before you scold them vulgarities.
Get the facts right before you want to beat me up.
Your such an ouwful daddy i have ever had this past 15 years.
FUCK YOU AND GO DIE!
I won't care anything about you anymore.
I won't lose any of my tears for you anymore.
You make me hate you, and yes i hate you forever.
P/s: is that how a father should behave?
"i need my childhood friends im starting to miss them a lot already"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Dear diary,
LOVE IS NOT EVERYTHING.
I think it's time for me to focus more on my studies and try to avoid the word,
Love is actually nothing.
You cut out the word friend and replace it with the word, relation infront of the word SHIP.
You put 'special' infront of the word, 'FRIEND'.
For me now, its nothing.
High hopes just hurts you.
" We are now ordinary friend. I treat you as my bestfriend, but if you want to treat me more than this, go ahead. But i know that i and you are just bestfriend. Yes, we have chemistry between us but i need to erase it because it hurts me a lot. I hope you could understand. I can't give you any more chances because it just hurts me more than this. I want you to focus on 'N' level and not me. Grow up and be mature, learn all your mistakes and study more about yourself."
-love,
Let's get the fact and move on.
P/s: eventually it hurts me more.
"let god decide and not us"
& wishing it was true.
