typing.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Dear diary,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY MY SOKKAN.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND HAVE A LONG RELATIONSHIP.
ILOVEYOU.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

& wishing it was true.

Dear diary,

I miss my facilitors for my 3B.
Gerald, Ivan and Jasmine.

And seriously i've become more mature an a little adult now.
How the camp change me in life.
I love it.
I love them really much because they thought me alot.

WEDNESDAY. ( 1st DAY OF CAMP )

Arrival.
Thought the place was like an old stupid school but it turn up to be soo beautiful.
HAHAHA!
The facilitors was fun, i love them.
First day i say frankly its boring.
But at night its fun because we get to sleep with our girlfriends.

THURSDAY. ( 2nd DAY OF CAMP )

Breakfast was like shit.
SERIOUSLY.

ARGHH AND I HATE ANDREW.
AND THE EXPRESS TEACHER.
ONE TEACHER FROM EXPRESS CLASS LIKE GAY UHS.
SCOLD NA AND NT ONLY.
FUCK YOU LARR TEACHER.
NEVER CHANGE CLOTHES, STILL TALK MANY2.
THEN THE EXPRESS CLASS TAKE WATER YOU SHUT UP, CLOSE ONE EYE ONLY.
IF WE NA AND NT YOU SCOLD LIKE MOTHER FUCKER.
CIBBAI LARR YOU.
BIG FUCKER.
MAKE US ALL LOSE APPETIATE.
KANINABEH.
I SEE YOU AROUND IM GOING TO GIVE YOU A FACE TO YOU.
THAT YOU WILL HATE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE I TELL YOU.

AND YOU ANDREW.
YOU FUCKER.
DON'T KNOW MALAY RELIGON THEN DON'T SAY UH.
WE NEED TO PRAY 5 TIMES WHAT AND YOU SHOUT AT THEM.
TELL THAT THEY ARE LATE.
WHAT'S THIS.
I TELL YOU OKAY IF THE MALAY TEACHERS DON'T WANT TO BACK UP.
WE MALAYS ALL ARE FURIOUSLY MAD WITH YOU.
YOU KNOW THAT.
COME ON LARRS YOU DON'T ASK AND YOU ALWAYS SCOLD.
AND LET THEM OUTSIDE WAIT LIKE A PIG.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
ARGGGHH.
THEN YOU WANT TO SHOUT SOMEMORE.
IDIOT FREAK YOU BASTARD PIG PIG.
WAHLIOW EHS YOU SIBEH SIAN UHS.
CANINACANINA.

Did all of the challenge and i cry when im going down the abseling.
I can go up but i can't go down from the top.
Don't ask why.
I just don't want to ellaborate more about this.

And arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh!
You, ex! You give me a face sia.
What you think im not sad is it?
I cry you know.
What sia.

Camp fire was totally a blast.
I love it when all the facilators do their cheers.
ALAKATINGGI!
Woohooooo.
After that all throat pain like shit.
HAHAHA!
Had supper and we have to serve them again like fuck fuck.
HAHAHAHAHHA!

We shower-ed then i and Ernie had to do the toilet cleaning.
I replace Farhana because she was tired.
But hey the toilet for us was sway.
The toilet choke then all the shit started coming out.
What the fuck!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I know who read this can imagine how it is like.
DISGUSTING!
Yes it is larr.
THINK WHAT??!!

And i respect Ernie for doing the toilet that was choke.
Poking it and doing things which will make it not choke.

Then waited for Ernie to shower and when of to our bank and sleep.

FRIDAY. ( THE LAST DAY OF CAMP )

Morning make us angry already.
Ouuhh i just don't want to talk about it.
Area cleaning was okay i guess, we girls from 3B go boys room and clean.
HAHAHAHA!
Found something that i just don't want to share it to you guys.
HAHAHAHHA!

Before all of us 3B go home.
I hug my Jamine, shack hands with Gerald and Ivan.
All of us hug and cry.
But i did not cry when i hug them only when the bus started to move i cry.
And say to stop the bus.
I miss them alot.

THE END.

Like short story like that.
Now i feel tired.
And i just want to rest soo byebye goodnight.

"You know that im getting to notice that you hate me. Well congrats because you hate me and do some faces to me. I'll take it. And i don't know what to say. I thought the camp i had time to talk to you. But when i look at you, you make face and your smile is totally fake. I thought every night i could hug you but i was wrong. We are just ex and not more. It hurts sometimes but i have to endure it. If you want to hate me just go. Because it will just remind me of Fadli who have hate me and treat me as his enemy. Well i appreaciate being like this. Because you guys like to hurt me. Just hurt me uhs. Die more better."

"life has the ups and downs."

& wishing it was true.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Dear diary,

Listening back to an old song can hurt you right?
Its a YES to me.

I've been listening to the song, 'No promises'.
And it makes me remember of my past with Zulqarnaen.
The lyrics in that song was like, the way we use to talk in the past.
"I won't leave you. I promise", all that stuff just pops up in my head.

And it hurts.
And i know you will be laughing at me right?
Laugh because i don't mind.

I tried to avoid you in someways.
But i kept on feeling something.
Something not right.
Really not right.
I kept waiting for a call from you, but i think it would not happen because i've hurt your heart right?
Yes. I did.

And it seem that you hate me don't you.
I know.

And its not like me.
Arggh!
Im being self centre.

Im just sorry for everything.
And Happy Birthday today Zulqarnaen.

May all your wishes came true and have a nice girlfriend.
Better than me.

P.S: Your nice but why did i ruin it that day. Take a new life without me. Find a more better person than me.

"someone that i use to love in my heart is gone. and its goodbye."

& wishing it was true.

Dear diary,

SUNDAY.

I'll let the pictures describe what i've been doing with my family.

"the sibling."

"the parents reunited."

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD :DDDD

"drink, it suppose to be nice when my brother go disturb."

EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT ((:

Thats the end of SUNDAY.
Family day-out yeah!

MONDAY.

Im happy like crazy.
And i try many things to ignore the face of my ex.
But actually i can't.
Eventhough i shout vulgarities, i cried.
Too bad.

TODAY.

Done e-learning.
And i always hate it.
HAHAHAHA!.
Going to miss you all.
Im going for a camp tomorrow.
Im going to sleep without my cat.

Soo Boring.
And im going to miss my FAMILY.
:DDD.
I'll be back home as soon as possible.

ON HIATUS BABY!

And im not going to bring my hp.
Soo just message and i'll get back at you guys as soon as i reach home.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

BYE LOVE~

"camping i loveeee."

"get out larr you, out of my life for like once."

& wishing it was true.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Dear diary,

Today things did not go well like i want it to.
After floorball training, Amirah and me went to long john silver to have our breakfast.
Sort of.
After eating the food, i spill my coke drink all over me.
I was like, WHAT THE HECK.
Grrrrrrrrrr.
Hmmmmpf.
My anger was totally like soo fuck.
Damn.

Went back home to sent my boyfriend the cake and he told me to keep it for him.
( and my mom ate it. )
Change clothes and went of.
To where?
Library babe.

And after that i went searching for Amirah, before that i tried to call my mom.
She did not respone and....
Poooooof!
There's HAKIM AND HAMKA.

HAHAHAHAHA!

Okay shut up.
HAHAHA!

Okay really and seriously, i want a break.
Seriously.
Im just sorry.
I told you that and you say no comment?
okay fine.

Amirah went to search for her sister and i went off with Hakim and Hamka.
:DD.

Walk, stop, sit, talk, laugh, drink.

Thats what we did.
And thanks Hakim for the carry when i was tired.
And the hugs.
You make me happy after all.
Cheers :DD.
I can still smell you larr oii.
And thanks for the treat, love it.

After everything, at 4.45Pm we went home but i had to wait for Hamka until he ride the bus.
But wait! Someone is missing. Hakim was missing.
I was walking towards my blok when suddenly Hakim hug me from behind.
( Pain sia. )
I told him that Hamka had left him.
He was angry but he sent me home.
Salam my mom and say bye to my mom.

HAHAHA!
Funny larr you.
then i went to search for something, my godbrother stuff and eat.
Then went home.

Tired i am.
And i am really sorry.

Toodles~

"im sorry, i need to leave you. sorry."

& wishing it was true.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Dear diary,

Okay today at night we had our fight.
And it hurts soo much to hear what you say.
"fuck you."
andand.
"i have lost my patince with you."

It really killed me.
Soo deeply.

We fought just because we're siding for our bestiest.
But i don't know who to side.
Herman's my best brother.
Syukri, im not close to him like you are.

Its not that i want to blame Syukri on this or to side Herman is just that...
I don't feel Herman did it.
Seriously.

Maybe someone in your class wants to sabo or whateer shit.
Im going to miss Herman.
And im really going to miss him when his being suspended.
andand not being with us, 3B, for the camp.

Like i say, how ever you hurt me in anyways.
I'll always say its not your fault.
And i don't need any of your apologies.

Okay i know im over the limit for just now.
Trying to win for Herman but seriously, i don't think its him to blame on.

Im be meeting you tomorrow.
After my floorball training.
Hope its plan well.

BYE LOVES~

"its hard for me to let you go baby. it hurts me and i just can't bare to let you go."

& wishing it was true.

Dear diary,

Today, morning assembly at the parade square i wasn't in the mood to laugh.
As i just smile.
But one of this bestiest of mine make me burst out of laughter.
Wahliow my assembly patner from the next class was sungguh hot.
Hahaha.
My patner was Farid.

HAHAHA!
My ex classmate.
We talk about florball stick, peoples, world and camp.
And he keep on touching my stick.
HAHAHA!
Overall i did laugh.
And we did not listen to what our principle had to say.
What ever ya.

Now a days i hate school and i just love my new cca.

At the class i started to scold Brian.
Use vulgarities and started to say bad bad things.
Sorry.

Recess, i make a lame funny move at the toilet.
Which is shuffle dance.
I tried but i just could not.

And i saw my boyfriend which make me throw my tantrums to Amirah.
Before going back to class, i dance like stupid, laugh out loud and run here and there.
So irritating.
Until Sokkan was totally irritated by me.
All the long i sang the GABSBY song.

As the physics lesson was about to start i just got fed up and just keep quiet doing my own stuff.
I did not answer any of Amirah's questions as i just turn around.
Banging my chair.
Like an stupid idiot.

The bell rang as i notice someone was staring at me.
Hmmmmp.
Haish.

Floorball was just fun.
Totally outrageous.
I love it.
Eventhough its tiring but its FUN.

After the early training we went home at about 3.30PM.
WOOOOHOOOO~
Went to Library to search for Amirah's book.
But before that we took 8 and guess what?
One chinese girl syiok sendiri take her pictures.
i was like.
OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDD!
HAHAHAHA!

I and Amirah was laughing like hell.
i tell you its funny.
i just cannot take it.

Went home and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~
right in front of the computer.
:DDDDDDDD.

And tomorrow i got floorball training at 8am to 9.30am.
wheeeeeeeeeee~
all the best sec 1 pupils for the tournament.
goodluck.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

BYE LOVE~

"im just being so annoy this days."

"floorball is unseperated from me, i love my stick."

& wishing it was true.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Dear diary,

Complicated.

Can i just like shout that im insane?
Or maybe im just confused?

Words are easy to say but reactions are hard to make.

And today, i've given up on my relationship.
And don't ask me why.
Because its a big fullstop right in front of your face.

I just can't move on with you if i keep on feeling jealous plus useless.
Its not that i don't want you.
Its like, i have to move on and if i keep on feeling that way i can be totally insane.
And i hate that when it happens.

It repeated again.
Worst, it makes my heart felt like i have no feelings.

Ouuhh soo what if i am close to someone?
Soo what if i had a crush on someone?
Soo what if that someone is more caring than you?
Soo what if that someone admits that im his wife and girlfriend?
Soo what?

I just pissed off by today.
Really i am.

Soo pissed off.

I just have to talk to you about us.

toodles~

"i hate to be jealous and i hate to have someone who cared about me more than you."

& wishing it was true.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Dear diary,

Okay its been two days i feel so the like, fuck up.
Its not like i don't want to keep it low profile.
Its like sometimes i also want someone to talk too like the rest.
I feel like totally useless and like a wall.

I feel like a doll.
Im not insulting you or what.
I know you have problems.
Me too.
But sometimes, i just don't know.

And today, i call you and i make a attitude right?
I know how fuck i can be.
Its not i attitude or what uhs.
Just that i don't know whats wrong.
My emotions are really mixed up, thick and soo fuck up.
Sometimes i can really be a understanding one but sometimes i can't.

Okay i admit, im jealous okay.
It just make me sick.
SICK SICK SICK.

I just can't control my anger and sadness.
OUHH FUCK WHY IS THIS FUCKING DAMN HAPPENING THIS WAY?

I've been wishing that it would go well but i was soo wrong.

wrong.

wrong.

Im soo like fuck up.

sorry.

sorry.

You can have a bestiest girl i don't mind because i have mine.
And we know that from the begining right?
And i know you know who.
Its better for you to solve your friends problems then solving our problems.
You should catch your friends falling better than me falling.
You should not catch me because i get sick to easily.
Im just a burden.
A really big one.
You should talk to your friends.
I don't mind if you don't talk to me.
Because im just a piece of shit.

toodles~

"im sad, your stress of me. i know i fuck."

"floorbal ahoii!"

& wishing it was true.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Dear diary,

I feel guilty towards my boyfriend.

Its not that he did something wrong.
Its about me.

Is it possible for me to crush back on the last year admirer?
Is it right?

But its just that i love my boyfriend more than my admirer.
Im just feeling guilty.
Its like i don't used to be like this.
Its totally crapness.

Gosh, why must it turns out this horribe way?
Im just guilty for myself and you, nono i mean us and our relationship.
Am i being selfcentre hunney?
am i?

I just don't feel to good about this.
Today i hope i can tell you this.
And i hope you won't get it wrong.
Because i love you more.
And you know that i like someone.
But today i feel different.
So different.

There's a difference between boyfriend and a crush.
There's totally a difference.
Soo different.

BYE LOVES~

"does not mean i like someone i'll leave you. no! i won't, my heart belongs to you. only you boyfriend."

& wishing it was true.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Dear diary,

Firstly, lets give me around of a appaulse for understanding and talking to a disable person.

Okay today was really a honour day.
Before i continue, i should told you guys that yesterday my dad brought my brother a new cat.
We let my brother decide on his name.
HAHAHA!
My brother was totally shocked.

OKAY LETS WELCOME ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBERS.
DIDI.

Thats cute right.

okay back to the subject.
andand YESYES.
Today was a really honour day.
I can't go out with my boyfriend because he have to do something like a project he say.
:DD.
then mum ask me to follow sent my brother to work, okay larr because i need to go to natasha house to pick up something ((: .
Her mummy, my mummy too, masak for me rendang.
TAKE AWAY baby.

Then sent my brother to work.
After that we went to farm.
Firstly it was the Fish farm, dad wanted to buy something.
Then next went to the cat and dog farm.
Lots of lovely dogs.
i tell you i love dogs better than cats but the main thing is, i can't keep them as pet.
How sad.
:DDD.

Next we went to GIANT.
ALOT AND ALOT OF PEOPLE LARRS OII.
Can die i tell you go there.
Can die of suffocating.

Hahahaha.
we went shopping for food like HELL.
When i heard that my dad said he was going to pay all of our craps, i took alot and alot of food.
until the basket was totally full with bread, potato chips, sweets, biscuits and etc.

Mum told me i was bad, i told her no im not im just naughty.
PLAIN NAUGHTY.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
HAHAHAHHAA!

My face naughty?
HAHAHA!
worst than naughty i tell you.

Then when mum and dad was about to pay, i ask this disable person where can i find the toilet he say, you know what a disable people say.
I was like okay, i just follow his direction.
WAH PANDAI ARH AKU.
i found that toilet within 10 minutes thanks to that person.
He work there mah.
((((:
Even a disable person are cleverer than us.
I tell you.
:DDDDDD.
Soo don't say bad things to them.

And after paying, i saw my cousin.
Not my cousin i use to go out.
another one.
:DDDDDDDDDD.

We talk, laugh and each of us when to our own vehicle.
Say bye bye and we're off.

Arrived at home like usual.
Noting special baby.
:DDDDDDDDD.
Just that im happy today.
go out at LAST.

toodles loves~

"ouuhh baby, i miss you so badly and i love you like fuck too."

& wishing it was true.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Dear diary,

Yesterday was super fun at school.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
The period before recess was bored.
But after recess was like super fun for me.
HYPER!!!

Hahahahahahahaahha.
Laugh like crazy, until Hasanah physics fail was spoilt.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
That last two period i was like ouuuuwwww hyper-active baybeh!
((:
And yesyes, happy seY that Leslie disturb me :DDD.
And about Herman hahaha i fought with hasanah and its like soo funny.

Ouuhh yes, Iman is my bottle holder.
hurhur love you baybeh!!

Im beginning to love my new class.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

after school something unexpected happen.
My energy was down when i have no one to talk too.
Sitting at that bus-stop hearing music, suddenly there's this shoe walking near me.
My heart told me it was my boyfriend, as i don't want to believe at first because i know that he went home already.
because he use to, i guess.
It when nearer and nearer.
Pop goes his head.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Yes it was my boyfriend.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Luckly yesterday he sent me home, because i started to miss him.
Yes sayangg, i love you soo much.

hahahahahahaha.
okay.
but before i forget anything.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GIRLFRIEND TODAY WHO IS SMALLER THAN ME.
NABILAH. :D
HOPE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE, BE HEALTHY ALWAYS AND HAVE A LAST LONG RELATIONSHIP BAYBEH!
I LOVE YOU.

andand ouuhh i just receive this porridge from my neighbour.
hahaha.
my favourite porridge somemore.
yumyum.

okay aliens and people, i've finish blogging might as well say,

TOODLES~

"what ever you do, i still love you."

& wishing it was true.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Dear diary,

Today, one of my girlfriend have lost her bestfriend.
Which hurt her soo much.
and i totally knows how it feels, because i have lost one myself before.
But hey girlfriend you still have us, 3B.
We will always be by your side.
Okay.
I love you girlfriend.

why can't i just meet you twice a week this days?
is it soo hard for me to meet you boyfriend?
im starting to miss you.
can one of this days you give me a chance to glance at your face and hug you?
can i can i?

being dissapointed is not soo me.
and i understand you.
really i do.
but sometimes i don't.
but later, i'll get over it.
you know what im saying don't you?
i mean, how the way i write?

i just need someone to make me smile like everyday.
can i can i?

"and for my beloved cat. get well soon okay?"

not going to tell you guys what happen okay.
you ask me im going to show you my stupid face.
and i really mean it.
i try to be happy at school okay, soo don't ask me or i'll make my stupid bloody face to you guys.

okay.....
im like soo done today.
off to do my homework.
toodles aliens-being~

"everyday my love for you is getting stronger."

& wishing it was true.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Dear diary,

I'll keep on staying STRONG and HAPPY.

i won't let the past drown me.

i won't let anyone ruin my life for being happy and strong.

as i've already put the past away from me, far away.

i've buried it deep in the ground, where i won't find it.

even the memories i don't want to forget, i still kept it far away.

i don't want it to bother me and my happines.

i'm moving on this 2008.

and im not going to recall anything in 2007 which hurts me bloody alot.

and at 2008 i hope everything goes well.

and i mean it, really really well.

i've been happy this past few weeks, like more happy.

happy than i used to be.

and those who have make me laugh a million times, thank you.

i won't forget it.

I won't forget the memories with my 2D friends, my girlfriends, my bestiest and everyone.

everyone have their own path to walk on, to lead their own life.

i won't bother any of you guys life.

if there's anything you guys want to share, im here, listening to all your pain and problems.

all of you have been a great FAMILY.

the second greatest FAMILY.

how can i ever forget what you guys did.

well i still love you guys.

people change when their getting bigger.

their minds are getting more mature.

and their heart can change anytime.

even when you guys change i still love you.

i'll be missing my life if our friendship breaks apart.

when ever there's a problem i try to settle it.

and not running away like a little kid who is afraid of the dark.

everyday i feel there's some sort of feeling changes inside me.

being more mature to think.

and make decission.

im a big girl now, with my preacious life.

and i have to think wisely before making any stupid decission.

and what ever i do, i must be brave towards it.

as time goes by, i've been thinking about the past which i've been so stupid to cry of.

no use of crying for it if its not going to happen again.

the past have really open my mind and heart.

to think and to feel the sense of myself.

the past have thought me something in future.

and i thanks god for it.

making me realise everything.

and i really hope that the name, 'miracle' does exist.

and i want to let my heart feel happy again.

and i miss standing on my one's leg.

i want somebody to hold.

and not always holding me.

because we need to learn something by our own and not spoon feed everytimes.

and we also need to share our own feelings and not always the other side.

we need to listen to what the otherside have to say too.

and we will try to fix up something which is not right together.

i will miss my past but i won't ever want to recall it back.

just a waste of time.

moving on is great.

and i love it.

learning how to move on makes me think more wisely.

and now, my heart can say what its want in life for me being happy.

but even if i change, i still be the SITI NUR HAFIZAH BTE MUSA that you guys know.

and i repeat what i say before, whatever happens i still love my friends, girlfriends and bestiest.

the world is spinning fast.

and we need to move on.

:DDDDDD

"i've buried the past of me and fadli. and i won't recall it again."

"and it happens that i love someone more than fadli."

"i will be damn happy if i have zul back, because i still love him."

"my girlfriends are the bestest medicine in my life."

toodles aliens~

& wishing it was true.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Dear diary,

Today waited for mummy at interchange. Hahaha damn like so wahliow, many ITE guys and Army guys. Tell me if its not my good day :DDDDDD.

Found out mummy was late about half an hour :DD.

Didn't care ((:. We went to popular to find books. Half way there saw AFIQ! :D

After brought something we proceed to the food culture. Before that,that chinese boy who find for me my books was like a malay, i thought he was. But actually his not, his a chinese :DDDD.

After eating, walked around the tampines mall plus century square.

My legs are dying. HAHAHAHA!!

Alright i brought this beautiful, i mean delicious Oreo Cheese cake.

YUMYUM.