Friday, October 31, 2008
Dear diary,
Away and Away.
Rotting in this chair. Sitting right infront of the computer. Typing and staring alone.
Thinking when will i get my big brother back.
Thinking why people change.
Thinking why i can't forget my ex.
Thinking about my future.
Everything and everything.
This question keep on flowing through my brain to my brain cells and to my veins.
Blood is pressuring my brain cells. Trapping the air inside making it worst.
My head is spinning, my stomach is dizzing.
Ryhtem of music makes it calm but not so.
Head is banging like a rockstar.
Stomach is spinning like a washing machine.
Heart ache won't be heal.
Memories won't be erase.
I just miss one of me ex.
He was the greatest of all.
The loveble of all.
The memories is painful to forget.
The love is hard to erase.
God, i still
I miss him.
Sometimes how i wish, i could turn back time and say that im sorry all over again.
All over and over and over again.
Because of you, i can't move on with life so easily.
I tried to forget about you but its haunting me down like a ghost.
How could i forget you?
It just makes me remember about you.
The scar which i do on my left hand just won't heal.
The stain is still there.
How could i ever forget you.
Your pictures in my folder.
Your pictures in my handphone.
I can't get rid of you.
I just can't.
I swear it hurts me a lot.
Yes, it hurts.
Can this sickness bring me to the hospital bed?
Can it cradle me to my coffin?
Im just sick and tired with my mind and self.
I hate myself sometimes.
Stupid memories and less time to erase it.
I can't do it alone.
I just can't.
My heart could not take it nomore.
Heart ache, Heart pain.
Hatred.
I just simply don't understand with myself sometimes.
Better grades, better results next year.
That's what i promise to one of the seniors.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Asssssssssssssss.
Pay attention and no more joking around.
If i were a boy,
i would switch off my phone and go out to take a walk.
To take out my ciggerates and light it up.
To chase all the girls.
To feel the best in the world.
If i were only a boy for a day.
(:
Many people make my day.
But it won't stay long enough to heal all of this shits.
)':
Im sorry but i lose hopes already.
I lose so many chances too.
p/s: i spoilt my life.
"ciggerates please"
& wishing it was true.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Dear diary,
SICK, VERY SICK.
My sick face ok? shut up.
Hahaha ugly fugly.
Im very sick now.
In my stomach there's no food.
I eat, i vomit. I eat, i vomit.
My fever go up and down. Up and down.
I wish i was sent to the hospital.
):
Very sick, cannot take it anymore.
p/s: but still i want to go out.
"doctor come faster"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Dear diary,
SICK & GROUNDED.
Not in the mood to post.
Currently having high fever, vomiting , runing nose. Fuck!
And you fall out of my hands
Out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You'll be sorry that I'm not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me
I'll be on the top just watching you fall
IM JUST NOT HAPPY.
p/s: i miss my big brother.
p/s: i love abang Amin.
"rainbows don't shine to often"
& wishing it was true.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Dear diary,
without SMILE, without LAUGHTER.
Mother was the best mother of all, she was the one who encourage me to study hard. Even if i had to retain, she'll let me retained for more better grades.
Im the one who don't like to be retained and this is my first time i had to. Daddy was pissed off and im grounded. How i wish i could be advance to sec4 next year.
Re-test, please pass. Oh god.
Advance me please.
Daddy give his cold shoulders to me yesterday.
I did nothing but cry and cry.
Feeling useless was how i feel.
Mad and angry was how i feel too.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe dad is ashame because he had one stupid daughter.
Im grounded and partially OBS im not going.
I hope outing with the floorballers i could make it.
Im sick.
Tired.
Fuck.
Flamingo.
no more of this.
p/s: im sad, blooted, angry, scared, fuck up, piss off.
p/s: why must i fail?
"FUCK"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Dear diary,
Breaking apart & GONE.
Maybe its time for me to say goodbye to this old childhood group of mine.
"Domewarriors".
Maybe i should move my ass earlier, so that there will not be any troubles or fights.
Jesus, how i wish i could just stood up and say im out of this childhood group.
Fuck, i want to say it but the words keep pulling me back. How i hate it when all of this turns to a lie.
If the reunion for us is not working, im telling all of you that im backing out right away.
I would like to stay missing like the past 2 years.
Nobody could hurt my heart, even a fucking bit.
The happiness of them has drown maybe because of me.
It should be. I sucks, a fool a bastard.
You guys love the word bastard right? So call me that ok?
Guys, put all of those blame on me.
Im the one who is responsible for all of this.
Im a JERK.
Thanks.
Dome-mers,
Im sorry that i had break you guys apart, i will back out.
I will and you won't see anymore of me creating anymore trouble for you guys.
Im be off, sooner or later.
BYE WARRIORS.
I'll be missing you guys a lot.
p/s: Being child-dish, i know.
"goodbye old days"
"let me stick with my mixed friends back"
& wishing it was true.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Dear diary,
LITTLE PRIVACY, please?
Boyfriend,
Can i have a little privacy? Sometimes, i don't like you peeking or reading on my diary in anyways. Unless, if i said can and sure, sincerely. The book may content everything inside my heart which will definitely hurt you in any kind of ways. So can you, boyfriend , please stop reading my 'special order' book because i don't like it.
Im saying it in a polite way now, not to dissapoint you but i have my own rights. Not everything about me, you can read or asked. Sometimes, its secretive and i mean it. I know i should not have kept secrets from you but if i don't feel like telling you, should i tell? And its not even sincere. I hate many things. I hate those attitude sometimes. Felt like killing it. Felt like shouting at you but im afraid to hurt your heart. I kept quiet. I kept silence, just to see how far you can go. Those jokes about my friends, it really hurts me.
My friends, was the one who cheer me up when i broke down in a relationship or family problems. They are like my second priority in life. The third priority is than you, my boyfriend. I can't tolerate people who kind of insult my friend.
Like what you had did this afternoon.
I was really piss off. She was my friend. She was the one who stood beside me when i cried, when i do stupid things. She was my leader, leader to be strong and i can't accept a sentence like you gave me just now.
It hurts me more than my friend does. I cherish my friends a lot more than boyfriend.
This is the true fact, because nobody can seperate my friends. They are like treasure to me.
Like a piece of gold that can't be sold because of its beautifulness.
Like a piece of paper that im scared to tear away.
They are really preacious to me.
Because i grew up being strong thanks to them, my friends.
Sorry if i had hurt you in anyways here.
Just that i sometimes can't accept what you say.
Im so sorry that i had to post this rather than telling you because i can't.
Today was not my good day and i have no mood for it.
Im just so fuck up today.
Bye and toodles.
but still i love you.
p/s: trying to avoid any calls for the time being.
p/s: Hafeez are you fading away from me? I felt like im losing my own best buddy. ):
"sadness and angryness inside me can't be told"
& wishing it was true.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Dear diary,
KFC.
mine.
Sokkan's.
over flowing chili.
bbq drumlets.
eat, eat.
the mouth.
HAHAHAA! Today had a laugh.
Iman boyboy followed us for awhile.
For eating and slacking at Natasha house.
They made my DAY!
Oh oh, tomorrow maths how?
Surely die die. Mati mati.
HAIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......
Calculator and protector.
Curve ruler and ruler.
Be prepare because i'll give all my best.
I really miss big brother. Miss going out with him to KFC. ): Mac donald, i miss his treating.
Oh big brother can come home soon? I really need you. Need you a lot. ))':
p/s: crying not because of any boys, its because of big brother b-i-t-c-h.
p/s: my feet finger is a bit swollen ):
"i need a dog to make me happy"
& wishing it was true.
