Im sorry on behalf of them too. I apologise for everything i did that night.
Since i am no longer your ' adik ' , maybe i should just let it go.
Its your decision and i still respect you as my god brother.
I never hated you before just that im angry that's all.
Your message hurts me. Not only me who loses you, Ira too.
Both of us lose you. I just can't explain how i feel now.
I can't talk to you, i can just type.
Typing is also as hard as talking because whenever i wanted to type out all of this, i cried.

You are no longer my brother which i can talk to when i feel emotionally hurt.
You are no longer my brother who will always take care of me.
You are no longer my brother to play jokes with.
You are no longer my brother which i can hug with.
You are no longer my brother who will always call me ' adeq ' whenever you see me.
You are no longer my brother who always sing with me one particular song.
You are no longer my brother who always spend time by taking care of me.

Maybe i should just let it go because abang already had let go.
Everything is in a mess.

Rewind back the memories makes me cry.
All i can do is to hope that abang will be back.
But i know, abang will not.
Let it be. Im no longer his to take care of.

Since the day abang left me and the rest, i was really dishearted.
Knowing that a brother whom you always love has vanish into thin air.
Seeing those people faces sad and dissapointed make me want to cry but i told myself to stay strong and act as per normal and yes i did.
A brother who i always pampered with is no longer by myside.
I must remember myself that his no longer my abang so that i can get over with.
But, always everyday i keep on saying abang amin, abang amin.
This heart yarns for him to come back.
I often feel sad and angry since he leave me and the rest.
My mood swing has worsen.
Im no longer a good patience girl.
)':

I can't elaborate more now. Give me time.
Just want to say that, i miss him already right now.
So much....

I gave up on myself and i ate chocolates, yes eventhough im allergic to it yet i still eat it because i give up on myself.
Every morning, i will suffer the pain before i can move any parts of the body.
Its really painful especially in the stomach.
Let me be sick because it won't feel as hurt as my heart is right now.
Let tears roll down my face because im trying to learn how to calm myself down.
Let me be sick because i don't want people to pampered me more.
Let me die if its the better for the rest.



I just need time to let abang go since im no longer his adeq.

All of those promises we made together just end like that, breaking my heart apart.


p/s: its so painful.