typing.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Dear diary,

Confessing.

I leave it to you. All those answer.
I didn't realise that you're such a confession boy, boyfriend.
Oh, i shouldn't call you that since we both treat each other like shit.
By the way it looks, you're just a friend to me.
Im talking now and i know it hurts when you read this.
But, its my time now for my biggest confession.

You told nearly everyone about my attitude whereas i kept your negative attitude alone.
Without people realising, im the one who is HURT the most.
Why i said that? It simply because of this.

You had so many friends to confess your feelings.
You don't have so much problems.
You don't have a mad dad like i do.
You don't have a family who always breaking down.
You don't have this feeling how i feel.

Its easy to say like this, You just simply don't know me yet.
Yes, you don't really seem to know me and my life story well enough.
Nobody knows how my family is.
My family always play a role when we're outside.
Laugh, chat and smile like other families do but the truth is we have none of that.

Im tired to play a role as a cheerful girl which people see that im fine.
Yes, i swear to God that im tired.
All this fake role, this scenes.
I wish i could just say that, actually IM NOT HAPPY.
My family is nearly ruin.
ALMOST and ALWAYS does.
Nearly had a thousand words of , 'divorce'.

The needs of the family is always supplied but we are lacking of father and husband love.
The satisfaction of our family is none.
We don't have that.
With a father like that, i rather kill myself than staying alive.

Nobody could hear this crying or shouting.
Nobody can feel how this heart breaks into tiny pieces everyday and every year.
Nobody could understand my situation.
Nobody i can rely on.
Just me myself.

I told you, that i have a lot of problem thats why i intend to become more sensitive.
With family like that and other problems i really can't cope alone.
Trying to fix the most important one but always fail to do so.
Why?
Because dad won't change or listen.
He knows how to beat, scold and say vulgarities.
Bloody, for me, the most important is family.
Because my family is breaking apart already.
So if i were to say, you are just like a friend you better take that.
Try to accept things that is unexpected in life now.
Try to solve your own emotions because im trying it too.

With you like that, with family like this.
I will never go anywhere.
Maybe, its not a better time for me to have anyone as a boyfriend.
I know that my family problems won't end and i know i can't solve my relationship problem either.
Its better being close friends rather than a boyfriend.
This is my biggest confession ever.
Im sorry.

People who disagree, get your own life.

You won't know or understand about my life so just fuck off and shut up.

Thank you.

p/s: keeping a lot of secrets.

"sometimes fixing the broken is not good."

& wishing it was true.

the blogster.

Siti Nur Hafizah Bte Musa / SNHBM.
Known as Dummy Fii or even Ketot.
140793.
Single.
Pampered.
Daddy's little babyy.
Allergics: Dark Chocolates.
ITE Mac Pherson.

Other applications :
!Facebook.
!Twitter.

my say.

Cherish others before it's too late.
Without love or support from others, you are nothing.
Stand by to the people who needs our help.
Give your fullest attention to the people you love before you lose them.

Nobody can change us, we are who we are.
Perfections is not everything, it always comes back to the heart.
In life there will always have some challenges.
It's us to decide to settle it in a fair or unfair way.
Life is precious, so live life to your fullest.

~~tune in~~

Plug in to your own IPOD / MP3 / MP4.
Groove to your own beat not others.
Be yourself and stop listening to other people songs, mango fruit !

~~Taggy Board ?~~

To spammers and losers, hello mother freak.
Thanks for dropping by for tagging or whatever shit ok ?
But seriously tagging without real name or link is such a fucking cyber losers.
Get a life and stop bothering about people's life maybe your own life is not perfect yet so make yourself perfect before spotting other's MISTAKES !
Thanks bitches and dick-ers.